As many of you may or may not know, I have a 2004 VW Jetta. I hate the effing thing. Before I walked into the VW Gallery in Norwood to trade in my beloved white Ford Escape and get HOSED with my current lease, I thought that VW's were pretty OK. German Engineering and all.
If I may, I'd like to give a brief list of ailments my car is currently suffering from:
- Two months into having my car, my father, who had just purchased a beast of a Ford truck, had the lift gate down. Not being familiar with his new wheels, my dad was backing up and backed the lift gate right into the back of my car. I only noticed this when my dad walked out of the house with a plunger all covert like. Apparently he was going to plunge the dent right out. Didn't work
- Six months into having my car, I moved to the city. Not being familiar with city living I didn't realize that the trash men don't give a flying shit if your car is in the way of their trash cans. They'll just drag the cans right over your car. The back of The Rollerskate looks like it's been keyed by a rival Nissan Gang.
- Ten months into having my car, we had our first major snow storm in the city. My sister went to shovel and came back into the apartment looking crestfallen. The car in front of me (a Ford Escape with CONNECTICUT plates) had apparently backed into me hard, causing the medallion of my car to fall out. There is now a gaping hole in the front of my car.
- Thirteen months after having my car, my father tried to Gorilla Glue my medallion back into it's hole. The foamy glue poured everywhere and from far away it looked like a regular old Gun Metal Grey car, but close up it was an atrocity. And it only lasted for 6 weeks. Current status of the VW medallion: chilling out in the back window of my car. I should put it on a chain and wear it around my neck. Whaddaya think????
So, the newest issues I'm having with The Rollerskate are that 1.) when I go to shift from Park to Drive my car doesn't kick into gear. I physically have to wiggle the gear shift before it jerks into drive. 2.) The trunk is supposed to be on hydraulic levers (or whatever), which I'm guessing means it should open pretty easily. Yeah. Not really. You have to throw everything you've got into opening my trunk, it is so damn stiff.
So this morning, when I dropped my car off at 8:30 a.m. (barf) at the VW Gallery in Norwood (double barf) I first, couldn't follow simple instructions when the dude was telling me where to park. All of the spaces were coned off and I immediately went into a panic attack because it was too early to be following directions.
After I finally figured it out, I sat down with the lady who had some sort of strange and thick accent. She explained to me that, "It is normal for three seconds to pass before the car kicks into gear."
Are you fucking kidding me? Sooooooooooo say I'm like getting robbed and I need to get out of there super fast. What am I supposed to do, "Hi yes, sir. I understand you want to rob me and maybe kill me. But um, before you shoot, perhaps you could just wait three seconds to give me a chance to get away. I mean it's only fair."
Somehow I don't see that happening.
She then tells me that the reason that my trunk is so stiff is because it hasn't been lubricated during it's 5,000 mile check up. I said to her, "Yeah. I don't come to the Gallery to get my car serviced. I go to a Mobile station."
She looked at me like I was a slug and goes, "Well ok then. But whereever you take your car, you need to make sure they are lubricating the hinges."
Did I miss something in Driver's Ed? I don't recall them telling me that I have to get my hinges lubricated (so dirty) with every oil change?
Cars in general blow my mind. I don't know the first thing about them when it comes to maintenance and I don't know a good engine from a ham sandwich.
It is officially T-minus 1 year and 7 months until my lease is up.
