I'm not going to sugar coat this folks. I'm going to get right down to it.
Why hasn't modern medicine invented a more easier, user friendly way to examine a woman's "who-ha"?
I was at the doctor last week, getting my yearly physical. As if that isn't horrifying enough. Get on the scale (pass out) squish around on your stomach (ouch) check your blood pressure (that cuff feels like it's going to take my arm right off). And after all of that my doctor looks at me and chirps "Ok. We're going to do your GYN today right?"
My doctor is mad cool. She's young and hip and I feel like I could be friends with her. But I wasn't in the mood to get into the stirrups that day. So I made a faux crestfallen face and said, "Oh..uh. I can't today. I have my period."
My doctor looked all put out.
I'm sorry, but it was a Monday and I wasn't trying to start off my week with that. I mean seriously. The "device" doctors use to get all up in there (I call it The Duck) looks like a variation of a torture device from the 1300's. I wanted to put it off as long as possible.
So I rescheduled for the 7th in the middle of the day; the only day she had available. Well then I realized this morning that I am going to be on Nantucket until the 7th so I had to call and reschedule.
"Good morning, Health Care Associates. This is Chad."
Great. A dude to reschedule my woman exam.
"Hi. I have an appointment with Doctor Beach on the 7th that I need to reschedule."
"Ok. Just give me your social security number."
"blah blah blah-blah blah-blah blah blah blah"
"Ok. Well Doctor Beach as an appointment at the same time on the 15th."
I looked at my calendar. Oh god.
"Umm...well I guess I can take that. But..."
"Yes...?"
"But,I'llhavemyperiodandthisisaGYNappointment..." I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to tell Chad all of that information in one long run on sentence. I could have simply stated that I had another engagement. Not that I was expecting a visitor.
"Uhh..well Ok. You can just cancel it. But I'd take it for now." It is safe to say that Chad, was horrified.
"OK THANKS!!!"