Your Girlfriend is Ugly

OODLES AND OODLES OF....

....TUBES!!!

Has anyone here ever been surrounded by SO MANY TUBES??!??!?!

It's kind of starting to get to me. I feel like the tubes are breeding and just producing more little baby tubes. I got this huge box of varying tube shapes from my manufacturer yesterday and I have no where to put them so they are kind of just taking up residence near my desk. Whenever I want to get up I have to pole vault myself over them. Which has been kind of tricky since I am wearing a skirt.

For anyone who does not know me and is wondering why the hell I have tubes growing out of my ears, it is because this is my job. I source packaging. I find shit.  Remember that movie "The Shawshank Redemption"? Remember when Red was like "I'm the guy who can get you a pack of smokes or a magazine." (I don't remember the exact line). Yeah...that's me. If I were in jail, I'd be like Red.

Figuratively  of course, since I am neither male, black or famous........yet. (I mean since I'm not famous yet. I, of course, have no future plans to be male or black.)

Ask anyone I work with. They can usually find me hiding behind a stack of glass jars, or plastic foaming bottles or covered in mini sampling jars.

I don't think I'm going to be needing all of these tubes? What do you suggest I do? I wonder if tube yard sales have been big this summer....?

Being Grand at the Soho Grand.

I mean it has to be said. I have a group of kick ass friends and an amazing family. What happens when you meld those two together??? PURE GREATNESS!!!

I was in NYC last week for business and met up with my main man Hoosty for a drink (or 7) at the Soho Grand. Also in attendance: My sister Shana, Jackie, Kim and Demetria. Here are some photos below from our UBER-fun night!!!

This is how the night started off. You can only imagine....

Demetria in the front. Kind of looking photo shopped in,but pinkie swear hook, she was there! Kim (my daughter) and Jackie.

One angry Arched Eye Brow!!!!

Let's play puzzle with Justin!!!!

There we go!!

Our fucking kids would be so hot.

Oooh helloooo!!!

Such a good photo!

Pterodactyl Seal.

Shannie and Hoostice.

Justin teaching Shana proper "TWEEEET" technique.

How cute is my big seestar???!!!

Oh how I wish I were that straw....wait...what? Who said that?!

And this is how the night ended.

Nothing too too wild and crazy happened. The only strange things that went down were that this pair of guys who looked like total gym rats were shellacked to the bar with their Labrador puppy. And some Irish guy goes to me, when I was on my way back to the bar from the bathroom, "Hi." To which I replied, "Um hi." Irish dude goes, "Where ya from?" I looked at him and go, "Boston."

Irish guy then proceeded to chug is very tall beer, slam the empty glass on the bar and leave. Alright then!!! The highlights of the night were definitly all of the laughs we had!

Good times! Mad props to me, Demi and Hoost for sticking it out. Good to hang out with some people who I don't see on an every day basis. (MISS YOU LIKE WHOAH HOOST!!!).

Let's do it again!!!! Like right now. Meet you there in 5!!

Tales from traffic...

Isn't it funny how you'll be driving in traffic, clipping down, say Rt.3, and then, all of a sudden without warning, traffic just stops. Dead. You turn on the radio to listen to traffic and the chirpy little woman coming out of your speakers informs you that "Golly GEE! No back up anywhere! SMOOOOOTH sailing all the way to the Cape!"

And of course you're driving at 9:00pm, when you think there will be absolutely NO traffic what-so-ever. Just one big kick in the head.

Well since my previous blog entitled "My Morning Commute", in which I reviewed, in detail, all of the goings on that happened to me that morning, received such positive feedback, I thought that I would regale the readers of YGIU.com with some tid-bits of my driving experience on Friday the 21st.

The first thing I do when in traffic is call everyone I know to "touch base". No offense to my friends, but talking after a hellish day of work to RE-hash my day, is not my idea of relaxing. I'd rather hit you up when I am driving somewhere or in traffic or after I've had a drink. I feel that this works for everyone. Said friend gets quality phone time with me and I get to touch base while the minutes whittle away and I slowly inch down Rt. 3.

And it has to be said that Rt. 3 is by far the most painful road to drive on. It is a mere two lane road with nothing to look at. And I ALWAYS get some asshole in the left hand lane either going 50 or driving behind me (as I drive 80) with his brights permanently on.

After exhausting my phone book, I then crank out the CD's or plug in my iPod. Have you ever substituted lyrics when you're in the car singing??? For example, I was jamming along to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" (a total classic) and while lounging in the drivers seat with my foot out the window I started to add "your mom" to certain parts of the song:

• "We didn't start the fire! It was always burning since your mom's been turning..."
• "Eisenhower, vaccine, your mom's got a new queen..."
• "Einstein, James Dean, your mom's got a winning team..."
• "Chubby Checker, Psycho, Your Mom's in the Congooooo..."

I know. Strange.

As I was driving on Friday there was a severe thunder and lightening storm, as many of you may recall. Rain was pouring down intermittently and the lightening was making the sky all ablaze. I merged onto Rt. 3 from the Expressway and what comes right in front of me but a Subaru with a bike strapped onto the top of the car. In a lightening storm. I know people say that being in your car is the safest place to be, but do you really want to tempt the lightening and put an aluminum bike on your car??

I called LK to tell her of my fate and she said, matter-of-factly, "You should get in the other lane."

I thought about this for a second and then glanced over to the right hand lane which wasn't moving at all. At least my "death lane" was rolling at a decent clip. I told her, "Yeah. OK." and then hung up. I stayed in the left hand lane behind the Subaru from New Hampshire and the only solace I could offer myself was that, "At least I wasn't wearing an under wire bra." I actually wasn't wearing a bra at all for that matter.

Now, as I'm tooling along in the left hand lane, I come up on someone who is going super slow. Since the driver in front of me clearly can't read the speed limit, I pass them. Well....first I flashed my brights on them them and they didn't move. So THEN I passed them. And when I eventually got in front of their slow ass, the driver flipped me off. Now what is that all about?! You're the one going 9 miles an hour! How are you going to get mad at me?

What is that?! Repressed road rage? Clearly the bitch in the 2007 BMW 7 Series had anger issues. She tailed me and then I flipped her and her teenaged daughter off. I mean come on! If you're driving a 7 Series you should be hauling ass! That's a sweet car. Show me what it's made of!

(who am I?!)

One thing that makes me quasi nervous about driving in traffic is when you're again, stopped dead, and people throw cigarette butts out the window. You slowly inch along and next thing you know you're parked right on top of that still lit cigarette. I feel nervous when that happens because what if the cigarette comes in contact with some rogue oil? Or some other sort of flammable substance? It's Lisa Toast!!!

Also while in traffic, I observed about seven HUMMERs on the road. In varying colors. From that nasty yellow color, to black, to red. I just have one question to pose to the drivers of Hummers: Do you get to the desert a lot? Because, in my opinion, unless you are traversing the sands of Iraq or the deserts of Kuwait, there is no reason why you need to be driving that. And by your Massachusetts license plate, I can see that your monstrosity of a vehicle probably doesn't leave the Bay State all that much. Not with gas prices sky rocketing at $3.09 a gallon for regular.

In closing I would just like to say that the fact that you drive a hummer does not mean that all women think your penis is big. It also doesn't mean that we think you are a.) powerful or b.) important. Actually the fact that you drive a Hummer probably makes us think that you're a self-effacing ass clown who probably has a small wang and only drives it because you work at the dealership.

SUDOKU: As Jay-Z says "Jigga what? Jigga Who?"

I think I was like abducted for five minutes on Wednesday. I think this because I actually purchased a SUDOKU book at the Borders in Logan Airport.

Everybody and their great-grandmother has been talking about SUDOKU and I apparently live under a rock because I had yet to get on the band wagon.

Well, since Jackie and I arrived at our flight about 675 hours early on Wednesday, we decided to tool around, get coffee and buy trashy magazines at Borders. Right there at the front of the register was the "More Original Sudoku" book. "Hmm...," I thought to myself, "Why not give it a whirl."

So I purchased the book, along with a pencil (one single already sharpened pencil...so random) and we settled in at our gate.

This is where it starts to get hairy. It was 8am and poor Jackie was trying to teach me how to play. Why in the world did I think I would a.) be able to grasp this concept at 8am before I'd even ingested a substantial amount of coffee and b.) ENJOY IT!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against SUDOKU because it's a trend that everyone is into. I've never been a girl to be anti-TREND, it's just that, well....Christ on an inflatable crutch!! It was basically math!!! I mean it actually isn't REALLY math; you don't have to add anything together and there aren't any **shudder** proofs involved. But it has numbers. And in my book numbers=equal anything math related.

And when has this girl here ever shown any interest in anything math related?? This is why I think I may have been abducted.

Oh and I know. I'm going to be getting all sorts of comments like "It is sooooooooooo not math! It's all about logic Lisa." or "I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Sudoku!!!!"

Well bully for you.

I'm sure it's a great game, or logic puzzle or whatever else you want to call it, but I think for now, I'll just play it when I have nothing else do to.

Yeah sure...I've seen her too.

Well apparently Leah Remini has saved the day and is claiming that she has "seen Suri Cruise!!!" Everyone can stop speculating about The Alien of the century.

Isn't that just a bunch of bull shit.

According to my most reliable news source, CNN.com, Remini told People Magazine's July 31st issue that Suir is "a beaming baby. She looks like Tom and Katie, she's just beautiful."

Well DUH!! No Leah she's looks just like Denzel Washington and Geena Davis. WTF is wrong with her?! What is she going to say?!

And does anyone realize that she is also in the same cult.....er...religion as Tom and Kate? Yup, for those of you living under a rock, LR is also a Scientologist. So obviously those freaky ass aliens are going to stick together. I actually saw a special on Leah Remini before I even knew she was an Alien and let me tell you something...she was a BEAST!!!

Not sure if anyone else saw this special but for some reason cameras followed her around when she was preggers with her own little alien. She was like dropping EFF bombs and just totally tacky. Not a fan of her.

In the article to people, Remini also says, "Cruise and Holmes are just great parents. There wasn't a second she was out of their arms except when I held her."

Frankly, I can't even believe they LET her hold the baby (if there even is one). Isn't this the same Tom Cruise who told Katie to stop eating sweets and to lose the baby weight as she was like still giving birth? (If she even gave birth). I have a hard time believing that they are passing around their kid (if there even is a kid) to other people to touch.

For everyone not familiar with Leah Remini I have provided visual aid:

I mean....can we say scary?! I definitely don't want to meet her in a poorly lit alley.

As a non alien, I have my own speculations about what is going on with TomKat and their mystery child. I personally think they she was never pregnant and that the reason why no one has seen the kid is because there is no child and they are in the process of adopting one that they will pawn off as coming from Kate's womb.

Give me your thoughts on this? What do you think is happening with "Suri" (if that even is her name..?)

And click here for the full alien article.

NEW YORK CIT-AY!!!!

Hi peeps!

I'll be traveling to NYC tomorrow and Thursday with very limited access to email and zee web. I'll be with my sister and she has her lap top there but you have to dial up and it's slower than the second coming of Christ. So in the interest of not raising my blood pressure to astronomical heights, I'd rather just take two days off.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo....take this opportunity to read up on all of the latest and greatest on YGIU.com!

Have you read about the Canoe yet?
Or hope people always comment when you dress really nicely?
What about the Stall Psychology bloggers? That was a fan favorite.

A lot of my blogs are archived so dig through them and you'll be sure to pick out a winner!

Leave me lots of yummy comments so I"ll have lots to look at when I'm back late night on Thursday!!!

xoxo
lisa :):):)

Apparently I need a geography lesson...

This would SO be considered an Overheard in Boston, had someone been in the room with me. Enjoy this little blog where I poke oodles of fun at myself....

So I was on the phone with Rose last night. I had texted her to tell her to call my cell phone because I downloaded a new Ring Back Tone (Journey's "Any Way You Want It". I heart Journey!!!) So we were chatting and she was telling me how the night before her boyfriend was regaling her with the story of how he came over to America. Rose's man is from Brazil.

Truth be told, Rose was telling me the story and I was half listening (sorry HLP!!!) I was still at work and I get to get my shit done. It was almost 6:00pm and I wanted to get out of there. So Rose is talking, "I mean, Lisa. He told me the story and it is just like you hear in the movies!"

I was typing up a spreadsheet and replied, "Why? Did he like come over on a raft?"

Rose is kind of quiet then bursts out with, "He came over through Mexico!"

I'm perplexed. "But isn't he from Brazil?"

"What do you think?! That he took a raft over here from South America? That he just sailed straight through the Panama Canal and over to America??!!"

We both pretty much laughed about it for a sold ten minutes until tears were streaming down my face. But I hung up the phone and immediately googled a map of South America. Yes, I suppose that would have been quite the dubious trip....

She probably just shoulda sprung for a cab....

So we're at lunch today and Makenzie (The new girl. She's totes fun) starts to tell us a story that she heard on the Silver Line the other day. So I just have to say that this is not my story, but it is way to good to NOT have on YGIU.com and I asked Mak if I could blog about it and she gave me the OK.

So Makenzie was on the Silver Line on her way to work and she overheard this girl telling another girl a story about her friend. Apparently the story teller's friend's dog had died (we'll call her Dead Dog Girl=DDG. Just so everyone is on the same page, DDG is not telling the story. The Silver Line girl is telling the story about DDG. Don't want to confuse anyone).

Well apparently DDG was freaking out because her huge dog died and she had to take it to the vet to get it "taken care of" or whatever that means. And DDG didn't have a car and she was freaking out because she couldn't necessarily bring her dead dog onto the T in an Old Navy bag. So what was she to do?

So DDG apparently whipped out a suitcase and put her huge dead dog into the suitcase and brought the suitcase on the T so she could dispose of her poor deceased pooch. Well you can imagine how heavy the suitcase was. Makenzie didn't get any details as to what kind of dog it was, but I'm thinking it was like a Great Dane or an Irish Wolf Hound or something that resembles a small pony.

DDG's stop approached and she was lugging her heavy suitcase up the T stairs when a man came over and says, "That looks heavy can I help you with that?" DDG took the offer. As he's lugging the suitcase filled with the dead dog up the stairs the guy goes, "Jeez this is heavy!! What do you have in here?!"

("Umm..NOT a dead dog...")

To which DDG replied, "Oh...uh well I just moved back from college so I packed my lap top in there and some clothes..."

Upon hearing this, the guy then punches the girl in the face, knocks her out and takes off with the suitcase......

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A;LDJF;ALJDFA;LSFJDA;LSFDJAS;LFJAS;LFJA;SLDFJA;LSDJFA;LSGJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is that NOT the most random thing you've EVER heard?! The guy's expecting to probably open it up and find a brand new MAC that this girls parents bought her. Instead he's going to find a rigamortis pooch!!! So I guess the girl woke up and her suitcase was gone. I'm not sure what happened after that. Makenzie had to get off the T to get to work.

I mean why wouldn't you call a cab? It's a lot easier to tell the cabbie to pop the trunk than it is to hike the thing onto the subway (although in retrospect, I suppose it would look a little fishy if you have a huge heavy suitcase and then tell the cabbie to head to the vet....no?)

But aren't there services that you can call? Like an the animal control people to tell them to please come and get your dead dog? I'm sure there are ways.

Fun with Headbands!!

I have been rocking a new look: The Headband/Headwrap.

For reasons that I will not disclose, I've been wearing headbands a lot recently. I buy them at Aldo Accessories or Claire's. Yes, Claire's, the place where they sell Mary-Kate and Ashley lip gloss, Hilary Duff toe rings and where nine year old girls go to get their ears pierced. I feel like a complete clown show when I go in there, being 25 and all, but what can I say, they've got cute headbands for $4.00!!

So I wore one today; it's a headband, made to look like a headwrap. Because the weather is so nasty out and humid and just *blech*, this look is easy and breezy! But I'm still on the fence out the "wrap" look though. Does it look ok? Am I rocking it like it should be rocked? Or do I look like the gang leader for some Mexican Girly Gang? (I only say Mexican because I've had three people say I look ethnic and "Latin" this weekend).

I've added pictures for your reference from my own little photo shoot. Let me know what you think. Give me your thoughts, comments, concerns.

The staple "Lisa" pose.

Peek-a-booooo!!!

Check out the HOT sunglasses line I'm rockin'. So classy.

Headband aerial shot!

So....what do we think of the HeadbandslashHeadwrap????

What's everyone reading??

I'm a big book worm. I love to read and I can't go into a Barnes & Nobel without dropping at least $50. However, this summer I'm going through sort of a dry spell in the reading department. Usually at this point of the summer, I've read about four books. But not this time. I have to say I'm completely underwhelmed.

I'm currently reading I, Lucifer . It's fiction about how God offers the devil one more shot at living up in heaven if he can live in the body of a mortal man for one month and not cause complete havoc. It's told from the devil's point of view and it really is clever and funny (and it will be made into a movie. Read that in my Entertainment Weekly). But it's not really a beach read. I feel like with the inception of summer comes the reading of "Chic Lit".

That and I think my mother is under the impression that I'm into devil worship. I wore a head band this weekend that had smiling Skulls on it (skulls are in this season!) and my parents flipped out. My dad demanded that he see my tattoos to make sure I had nothing freaky going on and my mom went on a "death" diatribe for about ten minutes about how skulls represent death and I shouldn't be wearing things that represent death on my head. I probably shouldn't clue them in to the fact that I have Rob Zombie on my iPod. That would just sent them over the edge.....

But I digress.....

So my question is: What is everyone reading this summer? I know summer is half over but I still have a few more weeks! Send me your reading lists and I'll be sure to check them out!