Your Girlfriend is Ugly

Tips to enjoying a lovely lunch at work.

Oh hello there. How are you? Hard at work are you? Maybe you're filling out a spreadsheet detailing all of the lead paint violations in Massachusetts? Or maybe you're sitting at a table making mock up after mock up of tubes, boxes and jars. Or perhaps you're sitting at your desk blogging, thinking to yourself, "Where the hell am I going with my life?"

In any case, I hope you had the chance to enjoy a good lunch! Lunch is important. It breaks up the day and allows you the time to get away from your desk, clear your head and forget about all that shiteous bull-shit that you have to deal with in place of doing any of your own work.

I'd like to share with you some tips to enjoying a lovely lunch while at work.

1.) It is imperative that you enjoy your lunch with co-workers you like: No one hates it more than having to sit at a table for a full hour with people who drone on about nothing. If you'd rather be at the dentist than sitting at your lunch table, it's time to move on

2.) Go somewhere familiar: Once you and the co-workers you like have decided that you'd like to dine out, pick a place that you know. We here at The Spoil will go to Pete's Dockside because it is excellent hang-over food, plus we know the cook. He's a charismatic dude who's really into being Greek. And there are no surprises. You know that when you eat at Pete's, you're going to be hanging out in the bathroom about a half hour later.

3.) Avoid beverages with chunks in them: Did you already take a sip though? Eeek. I hope it wasn't too big of a sip! In any case, if you're reaching into the cooler for a diet whatever, make sure you skip right over the bottle that has unidentified floating objects in it.

4.) Become one with the rodents: If you happen to be sitting at your table, talking to your friend about the latest gossip and you see a little mousey-kins scuttle by, don't be afraid! The mouse is just trying to get his lunch on like you. And clearly he has good taste, I mean you both did show up at the same establishment to dine.

5.) Dessert is key: Whether it is a cookie, an apple or a scoop of Nutella. Dessert. Is. Key.

6.) Try to get some good sport in: Or if you can't, try to at least watch others get active with it at lunch. What do I recommend? Coming down to the water near The Spoil and watching random groupings of people catch skates. Then realize how disgusting they are and throw them back in the water. You may even see one dude who looks strangely like Perez Hilton casting his rod.

I hope this has helped you to realize how enjoying lunch at work can be oodles of fun. Now all you have to do is pry yourself away from your 217418751964618485 spreadsheets that someone has given you to complete when that person makes about 200% more money than you and has the title to show for it!

*INSERT BIG TOOTHY GRIN HERE*

This isn't the effing mall!

Here's a good idea, let's drive around a parking garage at a hospital reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally reeeeeeeeeeeally slowly and look for a parking spot. Because, you know, it's not like the person behind you could be at all deathly ill, or going into labor or late for his/her shock therapy treatment.

Nah. Just take your time! I've got all fucking day!!!! (Meanwhile, your ankles are the size of an Oak Tree trunk from some strange disease that you may or may not have....wait...what?)

This like blows my mind folks. I had a doctors appointment this morning at Beth Israel Hospital and as I'm barreling down into the depths of the parking garage I have a clear vision in my mind that I will be parking on either the 3rd or 4th floors. I've come to terms with it and I'm Ok with it. I mean let's look at this realistically: my appointment was at 9:40am Most people start their days at like 6:00am. I do not go into a parking garage at 9:30am and think to myself, "Oh no problem! I'll soo get a spot on the first floor." My natural reaction is to bomb down the ramp, bypassing the spray painted walls shouting LEVEL ONE!!! LEVEL TWO!!! Until I get to LEVEL THREE or LEVEL FOUR where there are a plethora of open spots and right near the elevator to boot!!!

But you always get that one person who is holding out hope for a spot on level one. And it's not even the Q-tips in their Caddy's who are doing it! It's the 50 year old woman in her Lexus LX on the phone with her sunglasses on, getting her fake nails caught in her newly coiffed weave. My sister yelled at a woman one time. She was taking her sweet ass time parking, so Shana (who like never rouses any rabbles) honks her horn and goes, "JESUS CHRIST! THIS IS A HOSPITAL!!!!!"

And indeed it is! What if I was preggers and was of the pregnant mind set that I could drive my dilated ass to the doctors? This isn't LA. There's no valet to park my car. Still gotta do it even if junior isn't waiting.

I just don't understand. Burn a calorie and park on LEVEL FOUR!!!

"Ohmigod shoes!"

Oh what fun we have in the Design Room of The Spoil (work code name for all you peeps out there not familiar). So much fun in fact that when Elle Steiner-Funny-Designer sent this video around we all went a little crazy and started quoting it, even dancing to it. Actually, we showed our boss the video as well and she like lost it from laughing so hard.

Soooo ch-ch-check it out! It starts kind of slow but give it a second. I didn't like it when I first saw it either. I was like "WTF is this Steiner?!" But after like a minute I was dyyyyyyyyyyyyying. I mean if you like men in purple leotards, striped red and white socks, gigantic stuffed animals and of course....SHOES.....then this is the video for you! And as a fellow shoe slut, I can toooootally relate to Kelly's love for shoes.

If you don't have speakers, I implore you to email this page to your home computer, where you hopefully have sound and enjoy it there :)

"Let's get some shoes!!!"

Oh erm...video courtesy of Youtube.com

What a gem.

** WARNING: This blog contains spoilers about the entire series of Six Feet Under. Unless you don't have HBO or Netflix or a membership to your local Blockbuster and you'd like to know what happens, I suggest you turn back...**

I would just like to pose this question: How is it that I went 5 whole years and never watched an entire episode of Six Feet Under????? Can someone tell me please? My sister was always into it and she and my dad would watch it together from time to time but I just never watched it. I always thought it sounded weird and macabre. A funeral home? Strange.

But then Larry and Shana sat down to watch the series finale On Demand a couple of months ago and, well, I had nothing to do so I plopped down with them. I know. Kind of bizarre to watch the finale of a show you never caught a full episode of, but Jess had just told me that she watched it and there was this great song that played at the end. Naturally I tuned in. Anything for pop culture.

Of course I didn't get the full magnitude of what the finale was all about. It didn't impact me like it did when I watched it the second time around. But at the end, when Claire drives off to live a jobless, apartment-less life in NYC and that Sia song is playing and they show how everyone ends up dying, I was bawling my eyes out. I really don't think I've ever cried that hard in my entire life.

Obviously I had to watch it from the beginning. The next day I immediately Netflixed Seasons 1-5. I couldn't get enough. It kind of sucks that the father had to get his bell rung by a bus in the first 30 seconds, but what can you do? Such is life (and death). I just finished the last disc of season 5 last night and I cried even harder because this time, I got it.

There are a few things I would like answered though that unfortunately, never will be:

• What exactly happened to Lisa? Anyone else here annoyed by her untimely death? (On the other hand, anyone else here kinda glad that she died??? *looks around all shady and then raises hand....**)
• How did David and Keith get the house redone so quickly????
• Did Rico's "ho" reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally have Lupus???
• Why was Keith the only one who had to die some horrible murder death?! Everyone else got to have a heart attack or go in their sleep. Not fair. I cried hardest with him, I think.
• I already knew Nate died. I was watching Best Week Ever and they talked about it. But, I didn't know who "Maggie" was. Now I do.

Such an amazing show. Watching the finale again I realized a couple of things:

• Brenda got married again and was pregnant with another child at Keith and David's wedding. Hooray!
• It was 20 years later that Ruth died. Ted showed up at her funeral and he and Claire reconnected and got married. I didn't get the time difference the first time around. That was nice.
• I finally got why Brenda was so "whatever" about Nate at the goodbye dinner for Claire.If he had lived he was going to leave her, pregnant and all.
• Claire lives to be 102?! I really hope she didn't stay all that cynical for 102 years.

I totally wish I had watched it from the beginning. It got nominated for a ton of awards and it would have been nice to cheer them on! But honestly, if after reading this blog you think you want to go back and watch the show, even though I just pretty much everything away, it is beyond worth it.

Next up for a Netflix Marathon: Rescue Me

A letter to my favorite month.

Dear August,

I'm not sure if you know this, but you are my favorite month. Yes, while the 4th of July is my favorite holiday, there is just something about you, August that makes me smile. Maybe it is because you are the harbinger to fall, or maybe it is because you're the month in summer that is not too brutally hot. In any case, I do love basking in the glory that is you.

However, I feel that I have to tell you this; I'm kind of mad at you. I woke up this morning to a cloudy and gray sky. Which is fine. You're allowed some rain here and there. But what I did not expect was the 60 degree weather with no possibility of it burning off.

What exactly is going on here? Last time I checked there were two days left in your tenure of 2006! Why are you acting like December, all wintry and cold? What? Are you going to start emitting snow next? It's not fair! Is it because of Ernesto? I just want some sort of explanation as to why, on the 29th of August I am wearing jeans, a long sleeve shirt and a long heavy sweatshirt?  Although, I am still wearing flip flops. I don't care what anyone says. I'm keeping the hope alive!!

All I ask is that you give me a nice Labor Day weekend. Do you think you and September can get it up to give me that one joy?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards,

Lisa

To my Momacita

I would like to take this opportunity to wish my mother a very Happy Birthday!!

Some years ago, on this day (if I were to actually reveal how many years she'd probably drive into South Boston and strangle me) the world gave us The Donna. I love my mom so so soooo much. She is quite possibly the best mom going. I mean, I know that every person thinks that their mom is the best mom going. I mean that is assuming that you have a good relationship with your mom. But...erm...that's a whole other topic. In any case, you can't beat The Donna's meatballs.

So have a great birthday mom! I'll see you tonight!!

Infinite X's and O's.

Fun with my SHROOM GROOM!!

I have officially received my first piece of fan mail!!! :)

Two weeks ago I posted a blog about how my portabello mushrooms that I purchased at the Stop & Shop on East Broadway had bugs in them.

Gross.

Click here to read all about it.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I came back from the bathroom this afternoon and the receptionist Elizabeth, said in her best 10 pack-a-day Benson & Hedges voice, "Oh. That's for you."

I glanced down and saw a package with my best friend, Jen's, handwriting.

I tore into it. There was a box that detailed how inside contained Post-Its. "Hmph," I thought to myself, "these must be some funny Post-Its." I unwrapped the paper and inside lay this:

IT'S A SHROOM GROOM!!!! A tool that I can clean my mushrooms with so I can have bug free meals!! And it looks like a mushroom!!! How sweet is Jen. She knows how much I love my shrooms!

I mean...naturally I had to pose with my new Shroom Groom....

Oh hello leetle friend.....

Shroom Groom luva...

I have no idea why I did this. But I thought the sheer clowny-ness of it was kinda funny...

Thanks Jen!! Sooo does this mean that if I blog about the new YSL bag then you'll send that to me too?????

Infinite X's and O's from Boston!

I hear trash bags are really in for Fall '06...

I'm not a morning person so when I hear annoying news in the morning, naturally it pisses me off. As I was putting my face on, I had KISS 108 turned on for background noise. The morning show had on this woman from the Boston Globe (or Herald....eek! Don't remember) who was a self-proclaimed "expert" on this seasons Fall fashion.

To my horror, what was the one fashion trend that was going to be "so IT!!" for Fall 2006? Leggings.

Seriously. Shoot me now.

For those of you not familiar with leggings, it would be best to hearken back to the 1980's where they were at their apogee and where they should have stayed.

Exhibit 1:

Horrifying right? I mean don't you feel your eye balls burning?? The 1980's produced a lot of good stuff: Madonna, "The Wave" (aka: the really big bangs that girls would wear), snap bracelets, Garbage Pail Kids.....Leggings was not one of them.

I'm not exactly sure who said leggings were back in fashion. All I know is that VOGUE is telling me that I should be wearing them, and everywhere you look, another "star" is sporting them:

LaLohan....

Ashley Olsen.....

Molly Sims....although, you can't really see said Leggings. But I am more concerned about that hat anyway...

Scarlett...

Oy Gevelt!!!!!

I mean we get it. You don't see Mo'Nique wearing any damn leggings....

Leggings are like that trend back in 2000 where everyone was wearing dresses over pants. You don't see that now do you??? I actually tried it. Hey I was in college in Manhattan, I had to at least pretend that I knew what I was doing. Even if the jeans were from GAP and the dress was from Old Navy....

RESIST THE LEGGINGS!!!!!!

Finally! New specs!

With not a ray of sunshine in sight this past weekend, it was indeed an auspicious moment to go shopping. (Not like I need any sort of excuse to go shopping, but....well....whatever).

Two of my favorite purchases include a Day Planner that I picked up at Filene's Basement (my favorite Cape haunt!). Yes I am aware that there are only four months left in 2006, but why not be organized for those last four months eh???

And, finally, after three years I got new glasses!!! Well, the purchasing of new glasses was kind of warranted since, last weekend, at the Cape after about 4 glasses of wine, I sat on them. Try as I might, I was not able to get the ear thingys back to their original form.

Sooooo what do we think?!?!?!?!!?!

They're Ferragamo's. And yes I realize that the over-sized Emerson College sweatshirt doesn't really go, but what can I say? It's freezing in the Design Room this afternoon!

What the hell are they feeding him?!

Well, with the Red Sox giving me severe agida (*insert sarcastic tone* oooh they won last night, whoopee...) I've taken to kind of following the Little League World Series. I mean I haven't actually watched a game, but when news of it comes on the radio I listen. And when Matty in the Morning makes fun of Billy for watching it, I laugh. So, I was cruising CNN.com last week and saw a blurb about a Saudi Arabian Little League player named Aaron Durley who is 13 and 6'8''.

First thought, "Saudi Arabia has baseball??"

I clicked on the link and was met with this photo:

CHRIST IN A COCOON THAT IS ONE BIG KID!!!!

Naturally I wanted more info so I surfed around a little more. I found a page that has his stats.

TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX POUNDS?!?! Are you kidding me?? Is that normal? Is this kid really only thirteen?!

I mean could you imagine being in the Little League World Series, being like eleven and getting up to bat and seeing Aaron Durley standing on the mound which is only like fifty feet away from you. This is the kid who is going to hurl the pitch at you?? I'm pretty sure that Big Pappi or Frank Thomas would even poop their pants.

I mean, just look at the size of him!!!

*squeeeeeeak!* "I think I'll make a run for it!"

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN......Should that even be allowed?!