I consider myself a good driver. Do I have a lead foot? Sorta. But I've never gotten in an accident, been pulled over or had my license revoked. The most that's ever happened to me are a few parking tickets here and there.
So imagine my disappointment today when LK and I go to get coffee at the World Trade Center Dunkin' Donuts and I pull an illegal U-turn right in front of a State Trooper.
Damn.
As soon as I reared around his door flew open and out he walked to the middle of the road pointing for me to pull over. I always pictured my first Statie pull over as me tooling down Route 3 on the way to the Cape doing 80 in a 45. Not doing an illegal U-turn. What kind of Mickey Mouse infraction is that??
I idled to the side of the road with little fan fare. He waddled on up to me. I looked at him and kind of gave a little "Ooopsieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" smile and shrug. This guy wasn't having it. You could freeze ice on his ass.
"I need ya registration and license."
"Ok!" I chirped and then flashed a smile. Undoubtedly this pissed him off even more.
Then he said all gruff like, "Didn't ya see all those signs that say NO U-TURN up and down the street?"
I just kind of opened up my eyes really wide and was like "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayt??"
I took out the registration and handed over my license (with my new cute pic!) and he headed back to his cruiser.
So I have a question. What do Staties do in their car while you sit there twiddling your thumbs? I'm certain with the level of sophisticated computers and police like systems that it doesn't take that long to run my information. I mean, I buy shoes. I like to spend $100 at Brooks on mass market cosmetics. It's not like I have a "rap sheet".
Ten minutes later, while LK and I chatted about, he returned to my window.
"Here's a citation. All of the information is on the back."
I looked at it and he'd given me a ticket! Fifty bones for an illegal U-turn!? I don't even have a record. I looked up at him as if to say "Why?! Why meeeeeeeee??"
He just gazed down at me with all of the love an affection of a Nazi Storm Trooper and said, "Didn't you see me sitting there???"
"Uhh...um....erm....."
"Or were ya just too busy chatting??"
Dick.