Well as many of you know I was asked to be the Maid of Honor in my best friend Jen's wedding. I met Jen in 2000 while attending Emerson and we have been close friends ever since. I was glad to do it and looking forward to picking out table cloths and flowers and my dress. I actually like that stuff. I'm a planner.
So back in February I was down at the bride's house for a visit. Everyone was all a flutter because the Save the Dates were going out in two weeks and oh how exciting it all is! So fast forward about three weeks and I'm talking to my mother. The Donna informed me that she received Jen's Save the Date and did she want me to book my hotel room at the same time they were booking theirs?
"Oh weird. Shana and I didn't get ours yet."
So the next day I emailed the bride just to ask if she had sent me a STD. Our mail was being funky so I just wanted to make sure that it hadn't gotten lost. She replied back that, yes in fact she had sent me one.
So I emailed back, "Oh Ok. Did you send Shana hers too?"
What I received back in her email was not what I was expecting: "You have a plus one, so if you want to bring your sister as your plus one we'd love to have her. Your plus one will be with your for the rehersal dinner and cocktail reception."
UH. WHAT.
I was shocked. Surely Jen just didn't tell me that 1.) my sister isn't invited to her wedding and 2.) as such I should bring her as my date. I mean, Jen usually has such good manners. Certainly this was an oversight. She reads every wedding article and website ever created so she must know that the Best Man and Maid of Honor get carte blanche. Did she really think that I would bring my sister to the rehearsal dinner with me?
I told Shana about the email I had just received and her response was, "Well that's fucked up. You're the Maid of Honor."
That night Jen and I had a conversation about it. Itold her how displeased I was and that how she knows my sister and how Shana and my entire family host Jen whenever she comes to town. What really got me, however, was that she invited two college friends that she rarely speaks to anymore (for example this is how much she doesn't talk to them: when I'd mention to her that I talked to one of these two people her response was always, "Oh man I haven't talked to them in forever. I need to call them." ) so don't tell me that you couldn't invite close friends and family but that you invited these two people with dates. And that you just invited them with dates because "they live with their significant other".
You invited 198 people to your wedding. I'm your Maid of Honor. There are some things that you just DO. So FIGURE IT OUT.
I thought I was Ok with it. I really did. I tried to let it go. But I really couldn't. I was just really mad about it and pissed off at her. It felt like I was just in this role as her friend until she got married and then after the "I Do's" I'd never see her again (mainly because her fiance hates me, but we'll get to that later).
She and I finally talked two weeks later. I texted her and asked her if she could move up her weekend to come here for her visit. She was supposed to come to Boston for my birthday weekend. We were going to party and have fun and do a little wedding stuff on the side. It quickly turned into me running around from Newbury Street to Natick for her appointments and I just really didn't want to do all of that on my birthday. Plus I found out that it was my cousin's First Communion that weekend and it was just all around bad timing.
"Do you mind changing your flight?" I asked her over the phone.
"Well I would, but it's $150 to change it."
"Jen, I'll pay for it."
(pause, pause)
"Well I think that I just won't come at all."
"Jen, you can come. But if you do, you're going to be staying at my apartment. With my sister."
"Yes well I know I'll be staying with you and your sister because you live with your sister."
Oh, well excuuuuuse me. Not all of us live with our boyfriends.
The conversation quickly escalated into "Do you even want to still be my Maid of Honor?" I responded without even a moment's hesitation, "No. I don't." I realized that this was something she was not going to bend for. I am super close with my sister and she knows that. Furthermore she knows Shana and hangs out with her when she comes to Boston. I don't hold grudges but I knew I couldn't get past it. You always hear stories about people in weddings who just do whatever because "ya kinda have to." I wasn't doing this.
We ended our talk with a "good luck" and that was that. I was no longer in the wedding.
Now, before you go and get all judgmental on me and start gasping, "Oh my God I can't believe she blogged about this!" You should know that I was not going to. This was one thing I was going to leave untouched. My opinion quickly changed when, last week, I received a hand written note in the mail from the Bride uninviting me to her wedding (Uhh...like I was going to go) and ending our friendship.
"At first I was disappointed when you said you didn't want to be my Maid of Honor but now I know that I am making the right choice by moving forward with my wedding to the man that I love."
Ok fine. You're entitled to your wedding to the man that you love *PAUSE* who, by the way is a clown and has disliked me since day one. Literally. He actually told Jen that I was a bad influence on her and I really think that when I went there for visits he had a tracking device on her at all times along with a nanny cam in the room where I stayed. The one thing I'm happy about is that I don't ever have to see his mug again. God, this feels so good to say. I haven't been able to stand him for so long and now I don't have to hide it any more!!! *PLAY* but don't write me a note in your best prose and end our friendship. Grow a set of balls and pick up the phone.
She sent my parents a letter uninviting them to the wedding too. Again, like they would have gone! Could you imagine?! The Donna and Beast just show up at her wedding and are like "HEEEEY!! WE'RE HERE FOR THE BIG DAY!!!"
Please.
Her letter eneded with a "I wish you nothing but health and happiness," and then she signed it Best Regards.
I guess it really shows how much you've meant to someone when they won't even fight for you and then end your friendship with a letter and a Best Regards to boot. It's her I feel bad for because she lost such a good friend and she knows it. But I guess a good friend doesn't matter when you're marrying the man that you love right?
Nothing but health and happiness for the bride.
Best regards,
Lisa