After a successful shopping trip to Target late last night I was just about to head home when I realized I needed a screw driver. Plus One had taken all of the tools that collected dust in our apartment. She seemed to think I'd have no use for them. Obviously she had no idea about the amazinglamp I would purchase that required the help of a Phillips head.
I did a U-ey in the South Bay parking lot and sped over to Home Depot. I figured this would be easy enough. I mean it's a screw driver. How difficult could it be to find one? I made a promise to myself to not ask anyone for help. I made this same promise to myself when I went in there a few months ago looking for a paint scraper. I gave up after thirty seconds and flagged down the first available sales associate. The screw driver I was doing on my own.
I sauntered in all confident. I made my way to the Hardware Department. I looped the aisle and couldn't find the screw drivers. There was a wall of hammers, saws and some sort of device used to grab things but no screw drivers to be had. Ermmmm.....
"Ma'am. Can I help you find something?"
I looked up into the eyes of a nice old man, wearing the orange Home Depot apron. His name "SEAMUS" scrawled in black sharpie on the left.
"Oh. No. No, no no, thank you I'm ok." I scuttled along to the next Aisle. TOOLS. Oh. This makes sense. A screw driver is a tool right?
No. Nothing there. I walked all the way down to the end until I finally hit lumber. I decided it was time to turn around and start again.
I tried to look aloof and like one of those girls who comes to Home Depot all the time. In reality I am just not made for Home Depot, meaning that I don't have a penis. I feel that is a definite sanctuary for guys and I'm OK with it. If you need help building something I'll be there, handing you the hammer and nails but until I have to go into Home Depot with my husband so I can help build our dream house, I want no part in looking for the perfect 2 x 4. Snore. It's kind of like how I'd never ask a guy to come shoe shopping with me.
But I had a task at hand so I applied some more lip gloss and made my way down the aisle that has the numbers that you drill into the side of your house.
I was starting to get annoyed.
I texted The Tall One. A couple of years ago I accompanied him to HD for some lumber so he could build this audio cave thing in his apartment. The second the circular saw whirred into action I shrieked and hid behind him.
"You should see me. I am beyond lost in home depot."
"Haha, get some 2 x 4s"
"I need a screw driver!!! Can't find it anywhere. Merrr."
At this point in the game I was back in the Hardware Aisle. I moseyed down the back and something caught my eye. It was a screwdriver handle! GAH!
Just then my berry vibrated.
"Hardware department!"
"Got it!"
After scanning the WALL of screw drivers (how the hell did I miss this the first time?!?!) I decided that I should probably just get one that was fully loaded with like all of the little parts and different heads and what not. I ended up purchasing an actual suitcase full of screw driver parts. It is, indeed, the Cadillac of screw drivers.
Better to be safe than to have to come back to Home Depot.