So after John Bain and I couldn't get my TV to work this evening I was sitting in my room when my Blackberry burbled. I had an incoming email from my "dating website" email address.
Let me explain.
A couple of years ago, after about twenty of my friends found their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/fiance online I decided to join every imaginable dating website known to man. I paid for some, and joined others that were free. Part of me did it wanting to find someone and the other part of me did it for the blog material. And no, I never duped anyone. The guys I dated knew I had a blog and I only blogged about the really REALLY bad ones.
Anyway, so I checked the email and it was a notification stating that I had a new message on my theonion.com personals page. Yeah, I know. I decided to click on and see what it was about.
The following message awaited me:
U are very very sexy :) I would love to b on my hands and knee's tonight obeying ur every and any order ! Sorry If I pissed u off. I had to b honest 617 763 9077 give me a text or call Keith ; - )
You know, I'm really not clear as to why I'm still single. OBVIOUSLY I'm too picky. I mean when guys like Keith tempt me with such stellar grammatically incorrect emails, I don't know how I am able to stay away.
Honestly, is it too much of a chore to actually write "be" instead of just "b"? And the phone number right off the bat? Have some game dude.