I had a dentist appointment yesterday. In preparation for all dentist appointments I usually brush twice, floss, use anti-cavity mouthwash and don't eat or drink for 3 hours prior to the appointment. Actually this is my daily routine anyway. I realize it sounds slightly over the top but in the past 5 years I have developed a crippling fear of having any cavities filled.
It's actually kind of embarrassing.
I've been going to this dentist since I was able to go to the dentist. When I was a kid and had to have my teeth drilled, I'm not saying I welcomed it but I was comforted by the laughy fun gas and just concentrated on being high instead of the drill digging into my molar. Then, a few years ago I had a routine appointment and Doc informed me that I had some decay in between two teeth and they'd need to drill.
Suddenly I started to have a panic attack. I couldn't breathe and tears poured out of my eyes like a broken faucet. Doc and the dental assistant stared at my mascara stained face in shock.
"Uh...er....open please."
I cried through the entire procedure. Which in retrospect probably made the process even worse.
Ever since then I buy floss in bulk. I've been virtually cavity free since that incident with a few missteps here and there which have been dually accompanied by rivers of tears. And whenever Doc comes to examine my X-rays and tells me that I have some spots to watch I start to well up. Oh, and I did get weepy when he told me I had to get a night guard because I clench my jaw at night resulting in cracked teeth.
So yesterday I went into the dentist's office all prepared to be in and out in 30 minutes. The woman who cleaned my teeth looked like Magda and apparently hadn't cleaned my teeth personally since 1993. She told me I take good care of my choppers and asked me if I was a regular flosser.
"Uh huh."
Then the X-ray portion of the day came. I was relatively calm. Fifteen minutes went by and after Magda had finished slicing my gums up with her razor floss she came back with the X-rays.
Then she let out a low whistle. "Oh.....oooooofffffff......"
I twisted my head around, "What?! What is it?????"
"Lisa. Did you ever have braces?"
"No. My teeth are naturally this straight." It's true. I have amazingly straight teeth and never had a brace on this face. "Why?"
"Well you're developing some decay in between and..."
That was all I needed to hear. I started to breath heavy and sweat. I was like this when Doc came in. It has to be said that Doc looks like the man from the Curious George books
"Hi Lisa. How ah you?"
"Fine."
Then Doc and Magda observed my X-rays and in between low mummers I could here, "T6, 40, 38, 5, no no...4....and 5 I suppose."
Doc came over and sat down next to me. "So you have some cavities. And they are at the point now that we have to fill them. We could wait until your next appointment in 6 months but I'd rather not."
Doc paused and I took this opportunity to burst into tears.
"Ok. Can you get her a tissue?"
Magda handed me the box and I covered my face with a Kleenex.
"Why does this happen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?" I wailed.
"I know. It's not the type of news you wanted to hear..."
Sob. Sob. Sob. Wah. Wah. Wah.
Still covering my face with the tissue I continued to cry. "I don't know how this happens! I brush my teeth. I floss. Do you think I need to buy new floss? I use the anti-cavity mouth wash..."
Blank stares.
"I mean I'm not a big milk drinker. I only really have it when I eat cereal because personally I think milk is gross and do you think I should be eating more apples?
"Uuuh...Ya know. S-sometimes it's just genetic."
Groundbreaking. Really sometimes doctors just have all the answers.
I peaked out from behind my tissue. "So...gulp...are we doing this today?
"Oh no. Nooooooooo no no no. We'll set up two appointments. One for the left side. One for the right side."
I sniffled a thank you to Doc and he slipped out of the door, probably pumped that he avoided any future emotional outbursts.
Magda asked me what I was afraid of. "Is it the needle? You afraid of the Novocain?"
"What? No. I don't mind needles. I watch my blood get drawn. I actually guide the phlebotomist to the correct vein. No. It's the drilling. The sound. The thought of that little drill pecking away at my teeth."
"Oh I see. Well for your appointments definitely bring an iPod and some headphones to drown out the drill sound."
I left the dentist crestfallen but what am I going to do? Not get them filled? Dentures at 27 aren't exactly a selling point ya know?
PS. Magda did ask me if I wanted to get screened for mouth cancer as it's apparently on the rise 27% (I think it was 27%) from last year. She explained that more and more teenagers are getting the mouth cancer. I found this an odd fact and asked her at what age you should start testing. You know like for a mammogram it's around your 40's.
She looked at me through her dentist glasses and said, "Well you know, it's not longer the smoking that's causing the mouth cancer. Now it's the oral sex."
I wanted to melt into a puddle and slide off of the chair.