Today I stepped out at lunch to get a manicure. After I picked my cullah (OPI's You Don't Know Jacques) I settled into the chair and the manicurist began cutting away at my dry cuticles.
About 10 minutes went by and I heard a male voice ask, "Can I get a pedakewah?" (That's pedicure btw. Remember, we're in Boston.)
I glanced behind me and saw a typical Southie dude: Adidas workout pants, hoodie with a beater underneath and a worn Red Sox hat
Good for him! I thought to myself. I have seen my share of dude feet and let me tell you something; guys need to get pedis just as much as women. There is nothing worse than a guy who walks around with Velociraptor toes.
Ouch.
The dude's pedicure progressed and I went back to inspecting my newly shorn cuticles. "Umm...you missed my thumb."
"Oh sorry."
*ring ring ring* It was dude's cell phone. I looked over and he was right in the middle of having the dead skin on the bottom of his feet sloughed off (bar-none the most ticklish part of the pedicure).
"Hello?"
.............
"Nothing dude what ah you doing?"
...............
"Dude I'm just hanging out what ah you doing?"
.................
Sounds like Dude on the other end of the phone is super curious to know what Pedicure Dude is up to. At this point the lady conducting the dude's pedicure started to speak very loudly in her native tongue. Then the rest of the salon chimed in and it was almost like I was back in China! Phone dude must've asked where the EFF Dude was because Pedicure dude replied, "Dude I'm just hanging out....No I'm not in Chinatown!"
Phone Dude finally gave up and the conversation progressed into plans for later tonight ("We're going to the Hahp dude") and game time on Sunday ("I don't know dude. Ask ya motha she always knows that shit.")
I felt bad that Pedicure dude just couldn't tell Phone Dude what he was really doing. What was he afraid of? That Phone Dude would mock him on the playground? Slight grooming is the least guys can do after what us women go through. I get my lip waxed every week so that I don't look like Tom Selleck yet I have to hear a story from my friend who was dating a guy who was so hairy that when she put her arm around his waist she could feel the tufts of his back hair through his shirt. She said it was like a little springy cushion separating his skin from the actually clothing.
EFFING NASTY. Get a razor. Here you can have mine, it's pink.
Guys need to not be afraid to groom. Don't worry about that stupid metro-sexual label. No one pays attention to that anyway. Just be afraid of what your girlfriend will with-hold if you decide that trimming down your ball hair really isn't your "thing."