Your Girlfriend is Ugly

Oscar fashion recap! Bettah late than nevah.

I'm over at These Lips Are Made for Glossin' discussin' all of the Oscar hits and misses from this past Sunday.

Burn a calorie and click that link above to read what I had to say about Melissa Leo and Natalie Portman. While you're at it check out blogs by Carmindy, Jason, Ted and Rachel.

Remember, we all love comment love!

Xx

Pajama bottom etiquette.

Last night I was driving to Brookline and I rolled up to a stop sign to let some pedestrians cross. Darting across the street was a girl looking to be in her mid-20's wearing UGG slippers, a cropped hoodie and pajama bottoms with rainbows on them.

Why? Why do people think it is OK to wear their pajamas out in public? I posted this as my Facebook status last night and it got quite the response. One person just kept saying "Life is too short to care what people think about you."

Well if you don't mind being thought of as White Trash then OK. You're a better person than I am.

If you have to go outside to pick up a few odds and ends then throw on a pair of jeans, maybe some leggings. Hell even a pair of yoga pants will do the trick. There is no need to be seen traipsing around the supermarket in your Bruins pajama bottoms.

How to have fun while waiting in a line for 90 minutes.

Last Wednesday I went to NYC for work and stayed the weekend to visit with my sister. On Saturday night we decided to see a 7:45pm showing of He's Just Not That Into Youwith LK at the theater on 19th street.

At 6pm the 7:45 show was already sold out so we decided to get tickets for the 10pm show and go have some Italian. The three of us decided that in order to secure good seats we'd have to get in line around 8:45. After sourcing snacks at the Rite-Aid across the street we took our place in line. There was actually someone lined up already.

"Are you here for the 10pm showing of He's Just Not That Into You?"

The girl scowled at me, "Yes." Then huffed and turned around.

"Friendly..."

The minutes passed and the line grew. Shana, LK and I made idle chatter with each other and talked about how hot the guy at the Italian place was and wondered if he was the owner and if he was in fact from Italy. He was one of those guys who was so cute that he made you awkward. I actually bumped into him on the way back from the bathroom and I yelped. He grabbed me by the shoulders and purred into my ear, "Why you so nervous? Every time I see you here tonight you look so nervous."

If he had kept talking I would've melted into butter. He could've used me to cook dinner.

"Uuhh..heheheh...merrrrrrr......!" This is why I'm single.

Back to standing in line (or standing on line as everyone in New York says). I stepped out of line and peered down the block. The line of people waiting for the movie was becoming substantial!

"This is crazy guys." Just then a couple walked up to us, "What line is this for?"

"He's Just Not That Into You."

"Ooooh really?? Wow!"

A few seconds later two girls came up to us, "Is this for He's Just Not That Into You?"

"Yeah. The 10pm show."

"Oh my God. This is crazy!" Off the girls ran to secure a place in line.

"Vhat movie eez deez for??"

"He's Just Not That Into You."

*muttering something in Russian that I couldn't understand*

A pattern was emerging. Apparently now we were working for AMC theaters. Every thirty seconds someone would come up to us and ask us what movie we were waiting to see. And every time we replied with He's Just Not That Into You, the 10pm show, their eyes would bug out, they'd let out a low whistle and then stare down the block at the long line. For a second I considered selling my place in line.

After about the 10th person asking what movie we were waiting to see I broke.

A guy walked up to us who looked clueless, "What movie is this for?"

"Pink Panther," I replied straight faced.

"Oh ok." The guy took off like it was totally normal that 5 million people were waiting in line to see Steve Martin.

"If someone told me that this line was for Pink Panther I'd be like, REALLY?????!!!" exclaimed LK.

"Seriously!"

During all of this hub-bub there were a group of guys in yarmulkes who kept trying to get into the movie earlier. They refused to wait in line and were huddled by the door.

"You know what. I don't care if they are the chosen ones. They need to get in line like everyone else!" This actually got a giggle out of the scowly girl

A few minutes later apair of modely looking girls approached us.

"Waaaaait for it..." I said under my breath.

"What movie are you guys seeing?"

"Taken."

"Oh, ok. PHEW!!!" The girls started to walk away.

"Lisa, don't let them walk away! Tell them the truth!" That was my morally conscious sister.

"Ugh! Wait. We're actually waiting for He's Just Not That Into You. I was, uhm, kidding."

"Oh. Ok. AHAHAHAHA."

"They could've been so bitchy to you."

"Yeah well at least they have a sense of humor."

I did my Pink Panther line one more time, but it was on an old woman huffing on a cigarette who was just being nosy. After that I decided to quite while I was ahead.

Grammy Recap.

I'm over at These Lips Are Made For Glossin' today recapping "real girl style" about the fashions during the 51st Annual Grammy Awards that aired on Sunday. 

Personally I think Leona Lewis's dress was a coffee colored nightmare but you're free to disagree with me.

Check it out and leave me and the other bloggers lots of comment love! Xx

Overheard in the 'burbs.

This incident occurred last weekend while I was plastered to the downstairs hall mirror trying to fish a foreign article out of my eye. See blog about how this happens all the time.

"Leeee-SAH!"

"What??"

"I just got a Macy's Platinum cahd in the mail?"

"What does that mean mom?"

"It means that I'm a suckah."

And my parents wonder where I get my shopping habits from?

The most annoying 60 minutes of my life.

I always say that I can't stand when people complain about the vicissitudes of New England weather. I just want to shake them and say, "You live in New England! If you don't want to see snow go to Arizona!"

Can't stand it! Makes me crazy! Hurts my head!

However, I am here to blog about how much I hate the snow right now.

I woke up yesterday morning to a blizzard taking place outside of my window.

"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh....." I groaned as I reached for my Blackberry to call my therapist.

"This is Barbara."

"Barbara," I croaked, "Lisa Gradie. So is there any sort of rule for weather? Like if it's really bad do you cancel appointments?"

"Not unless we're talking the Blizzard of '78."

"Oookay. See you at 7:30."

The reason why I called is because if I don't cancel my appointment within one week I get charged $130 for the appointment. So I was hauling my ass to Brookline tonight; Nor'easter or not.

So all day I was anxious about driving in the snow. It wasn't so much driving to Brookline which is only 15 minutes from my office it was more anxious about driving the hour back to my house from Brookline. Finally at 6:15 I started to pack up. I wanted to leave enough time to actually get there. 

I made my way downstairs to the garage where I park and this is where the first annoyance happens. 

Need a push?

The ramp to get in and out of the garage is very steep. I drive a 2008 Jetta. I've plowed through snowbanks in my car so I really didn't think I'd have a problem going up a ramp. 

As I inched my way up I honked my horn like I usually do just to make sure that any unsuspecting pedestrians can hear that I'm barreling out of the garage. As I honked my horn two things happened: 1.) my car wouldn't move and 2.) a guy about my age walked over to my car.

"Oh hi. Sorry I wasn't honking at you. I just usually honk when I come out of the driveway to make sure that people know that I'm coming out, you know because I don't want to hit anyone and mer mer mer..."

"Ok." He glanced down to my tires that clearly weren't going anywhere. "Are you stuck?"

"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm not really sure...."

"Do you want me to get behind you and push?"

"Uhhhh ok."

He tried pushing twice and I made it up a few more inches but Jesus Christ was that ramp icy!

After two minutes the garage door started to close, with the nose of my car still under it.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" That was me. Shrieking.

"WATCH OUT!!!" And I threw the car into reverse and gunned it backwards. I looked up to see my stranger, shellacked to the wall presumably just having dashed out of the way in the knick of time, staring at me.

"Ooooook. Why don't you try going forward. I bet you can make it out."

I did a mental signing of the cross in my head and threw my car into drive. Suzi lurched forward and out into the snow covered street.

"YEAH BABY!!!" That was me again. High-fiving myself. "Soooooooo thanks for your help." I didn't know what to do next. Do I offer him a ride? Ask for his number so I can sent him a thank you edible arrangement? What if he was crazy? I mean I know he just helped me out of the goodness of his heart but I just wasted ten minutes trying to get my car out of the garage and I have to make it to Brookline and the weather is just so beastly-

"No problem. Drive safe." And with that my stranger took off down the street probably to take public transportation home.

After I was on the road I was so disturbed by my car getting stuck that I missed my right turn onto Dartmouth street. Now, in normal weather situations I would've've just pulled a U-ey in the middle of the road. But with the blizzard swirling around me I had to wait until a safe place to turn. This safe place wasn't for another 5 minutes. I had to circle pretty much all of the South End, go under 93S and come back to my work just to get back on track. This was annoyance #2 of the evening.

Thankfully the roads were clear and somewhat plowed so I was able to make my way to my therapist with only minimal swearing and pounding on my sheering wheel. I looked at the clock and I had an half-hour to spare. Nice. I was absolutely famished (my new diet consists basically of apples, almonds and water) so I decided to cross the T tracks and grab a small black bean burrito at Ana's Taqueria across the street.

Annoyance #3: No food for you!

"Hola mami."

"Hi can I please have a small black bean burrito with cheese."

"Chu wan' any rice?

"No thanks just a little bit of guac."

"No salsa?"

"No."

"Chee-kon?"

"Um. No."

"Lettuce? "

"I. Would. Just. Like. Cheese. Black Beans. And. A. Little. Bit. Of. Guacamole."

"Fo hea 'o to go?"

"To go please." I held out my card for them to take.

"Cash only."

"What?"

"We no take no cards."

"Since when?"

"Since forever."

I swear this is bullshit. I feel like I remember paying with my card when I used to go to JSutt's to work on the YGIU flash intro and watch So You Think You Can Dance.

"Das ok tho'. Ders an ATM down da street."

"Ok..." I walked away from the counter and straight into the big yellow CAUTION! WET! sign.

I made my way outside and onto the corner. I pondered trudging down the street to get some cash so I could eat my measly burrito which by this time was probably cold. I glanced at my phone to see the time. I only had fifteen minutes until my appointment.

"I'm not fucking walking down the street!" I said to myself.

"Excuuuuuuuse me??" But a little old Jewish lady heard my rant.

"Oh. HAHA. Nothing. Do you need, um, help crossing the street?"

"No."

Starving, I made my way across the street. Unlike some people who use the cross walk I decided to wade through the snow banks and cross the T tracks. It was closer than walking 15 feet to the crosswalk. I get lazy when there is snow in the picture.

I had crossed the tracks safely and was almost home free when my foot slipped on ice that I couldn't see. Next thing I know I was belly-flopping onto someone's Celica.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh....." I laid there for about thirty seconds before I actually moved. First I made sure that I hadn't cracked my teeth on the hood of the car. Then I made sure that no one saw. (If anyone did they weren't seeing if I was OK). Then I cried. (Not because I fell but because I got my new purse wet.)

In case you hadn't guessed yet, my acrobatics onto the car is annoyance #4. And that's all I've got. I mean once you belly-flop onto someone's car and leave an imprint in the snow of yourself there's really nothing else to say.

Thankfully I was going to therapy.

Berry anxiety.

I don't care if this is a post about how much I rely on my Blackberry and how much I'm freaking out because it's not working. I don't care because I do rely on it. I rely on it because it keeps me updated of places I'm supposed to be and presents I'm supposed to buy for birthdays and when I'm getting my teeth cleaned and where and how I'm getting  my hair cut. I rely on this stupid piece of metal and plastic to keep my life organized and now it isn't working.

Sad Face.

After a string of phones being stolen (R.I.P. Budahflyz), flushed down the toilet (R.I.P Budahflyz II) and run over by my car (R.I.P. Lisa's common sense) I decided to actually get a Berry. I rationalized the purchase by telling myself that I'd be more careful with this phone but in reality I just wanted to be able to blog on the go.

Anyway if you read YGIU regularly you know how obsessed I am with my phone (I'm still amazed I was hosed into buying one that doesn't have a camera). I'm always on it, always checking it, always tap, tap tapping away to my waiting public.

But today there was no tapping, no returning emails from my Berry with the Power of Sprint Speed.

No friends, today there was only silence on Lisa's berry front because according to Rachel and Valerie at Sprint Blackberry Support there is something happening with the BIS server??? And it is affecting Sprint Blackberry users nationwide????????

First of all, I don't trust IT girls. IT guys may be pompous, smug sons-of-bitches who always think they know everything but at least they give it to you straight. IT girls want to chat about the weather and congratulate me on my trip to China for business. (True story: Rachel was super eager to hear my life story.)

So at 4pm this afternoon Rachel told me that the problem would be fixed in one hour. Cut to 8:53pm. Problem still outstanding. Nothing in the way of emails coming into my berry. So I called back and this time got Valerie. She was equally annoying and explained to me that she's not sure why I was told there was a time table as to when the problem would be fixed because, well, there isn't

"Uh-huh. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell is there some sort of credit I can get for my Blackberry being out of commission ALL GODDAMN DAY??"

"I'll make a note in your account and when your data does start coming in you can feel free to call back and see what can be done for you."

" 'Kthxbye."

Guys. I've been a Sprint customer for 10 years. TEN YEARS! That's a long effing time. I've never committed to anything for that long. And let me tell you something, I commit! I'm a planner!

But I'm thinking of leaving Sprint. (Honestly, the thought of even leaving makes me kind of sad.) I feel like I've had so many issues with my Berry. Plus Sprint never gets any of the fun phones first! It's always Mr. Cock Sure Verizon who gets all the shiny new equipment. But I'm not convinced I could go with Verizon. The dude on the commercial is indeed one smug SOB.

Thoughts? Advice? I've only known one cell phone carrier. Teach me.

Eye trauma

I'm convinced that the years of mascara wearing has done something horrible to my eyelashes.

I've stated before that I am the girl that wears mascara everywhere. Even if I'm going to the gym or grocery shopping I make sure to at last have a swipe of it on. Why? Because I look scary and sickly without it.

Anyway recently I've been having issues with foreign objects being lodged in my eye balls. Eye lashes are, by definition, there to protect the eye from such debris. However, last Friday I spent about five minutes trying to fish a piece of red string out of my eye balls. That's right, a long red string was swimming around in my left ocular area. When I finally grabbed a hold of the string it was so long that for a second I thought I'd caught a vein and then had visions of my eye popping out and landing on my Blackberry.

Mer.

Two weekends ago I was exfoliating my face with a products who's exfoliating scrubbies are really big and rough. Just how I like it. After I was done with my scrubbing I grabbed a towel and patted my mug dry only to be met with a feeling that gravel was geing poured into my right eye. A piece of the exfoliator had gotten in there and wasn't going anywhere. I actually started to freak out. I submerged my entire face in a sink full of water and opened up my eyes hoping to flush the intruder out. After about forty-five minutes the gravelly feelingfinally went away. Either the exfoliant shrunk to nothing or just admitted defeat and fell out. Either way it was brutal.

Between string, exfoliant and my own long eye lashes it seems that every day I am complaining about something being in my eye! And I hate complainers and whiners so you can imagine how much this eye situation is bugging me out.

As I write this blog I am being harassed by a medium sized blob of black mascara that is doing kart-wheels in my left eye.