I always say that I can't stand when people complain about the vicissitudes of New England weather. I just want to shake them and say, "You live in New England! If you don't want to see snow go to Arizona!"
Can't stand it! Makes me crazy! Hurts my head!
However, I am here to blog about how much I hate the snow right now.
I woke up yesterday morning to a blizzard taking place outside of my window.
"Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh....." I groaned as I reached for my Blackberry to call my therapist.
"This is Barbara."
"Barbara," I croaked, "Lisa Gradie. So is there any sort of rule for weather? Like if it's really bad do you cancel appointments?"
"Not unless we're talking the Blizzard of '78."
"Oookay. See you at 7:30."
The reason why I called is because if I don't cancel my appointment within one week I get charged $130 for the appointment. So I was hauling my ass to Brookline tonight; Nor'easter or not.
So all day I was anxious about driving in the snow. It wasn't so much driving to Brookline which is only 15 minutes from my office it was more anxious about driving the hour back to my house from Brookline. Finally at 6:15 I started to pack up. I wanted to leave enough time to actually get there.
I made my way downstairs to the garage where I park and this is where the first annoyance happens.
Need a push?
The ramp to get in and out of the garage is very steep. I drive a 2008 Jetta. I've plowed through snowbanks in my car so I really didn't think I'd have a problem going up a ramp.
As I inched my way up I honked my horn like I usually do just to make sure that any unsuspecting pedestrians can hear that I'm barreling out of the garage. As I honked my horn two things happened: 1.) my car wouldn't move and 2.) a guy about my age walked over to my car.
"Oh hi. Sorry I wasn't honking at you. I just usually honk when I come out of the driveway to make sure that people know that I'm coming out, you know because I don't want to hit anyone and mer mer mer..."
"Ok." He glanced down to my tires that clearly weren't going anywhere. "Are you stuck?"
"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm not really sure...."
"Do you want me to get behind you and push?"
"Uhhhh ok."
He tried pushing twice and I made it up a few more inches but Jesus Christ was that ramp icy!
After two minutes the garage door started to close, with the nose of my car still under it.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" That was me. Shrieking.
"WATCH OUT!!!" And I threw the car into reverse and gunned it backwards. I looked up to see my stranger, shellacked to the wall presumably just having dashed out of the way in the knick of time, staring at me.
"Ooooook. Why don't you try going forward. I bet you can make it out."
I did a mental signing of the cross in my head and threw my car into drive. Suzi lurched forward and out into the snow covered street.
"YEAH BABY!!!" That was me again. High-fiving myself. "Soooooooo thanks for your help." I didn't know what to do next. Do I offer him a ride? Ask for his number so I can sent him a thank you edible arrangement? What if he was crazy? I mean I know he just helped me out of the goodness of his heart but I just wasted ten minutes trying to get my car out of the garage and I have to make it to Brookline and the weather is just so beastly-
"No problem. Drive safe." And with that my stranger took off down the street probably to take public transportation home.
After I was on the road I was so disturbed by my car getting stuck that I missed my right turn onto Dartmouth street. Now, in normal weather situations I would've've just pulled a U-ey in the middle of the road. But with the blizzard swirling around me I had to wait until a safe place to turn. This safe place wasn't for another 5 minutes. I had to circle pretty much all of the South End, go under 93S and come back to my work just to get back on track. This was annoyance #2 of the evening.
Thankfully the roads were clear and somewhat plowed so I was able to make my way to my therapist with only minimal swearing and pounding on my sheering wheel. I looked at the clock and I had an half-hour to spare. Nice. I was absolutely famished (my new diet consists basically of apples, almonds and water) so I decided to cross the T tracks and grab a small black bean burrito at Ana's Taqueria across the street.
Annoyance #3: No food for you!
"Hola mami."
"Hi can I please have a small black bean burrito with cheese."
"Chu wan' any rice?
"No thanks just a little bit of guac."
"No salsa?"
"No."
"Chee-kon?"
"Um. No."
"Lettuce? "
"I. Would. Just. Like. Cheese. Black Beans. And. A. Little. Bit. Of. Guacamole."
"Fo hea 'o to go?"
"To go please." I held out my card for them to take.
"Cash only."
"What?"
"We no take no cards."
"Since when?"
"Since forever."
I swear this is bullshit. I feel like I remember paying with my card when I used to go to JSutt's to work on the YGIU flash intro and watch So You Think You Can Dance.
"Das ok tho'. Ders an ATM down da street."
"Ok..." I walked away from the counter and straight into the big yellow CAUTION! WET! sign.
I made my way outside and onto the corner. I pondered trudging down the street to get some cash so I could eat my measly burrito which by this time was probably cold. I glanced at my phone to see the time. I only had fifteen minutes until my appointment.
"I'm not fucking walking down the street!" I said to myself.
"Excuuuuuuuse me??" But a little old Jewish lady heard my rant.
"Oh. HAHA. Nothing. Do you need, um, help crossing the street?"
"No."
Starving, I made my way across the street. Unlike some people who use the cross walk I decided to wade through the snow banks and cross the T tracks. It was closer than walking 15 feet to the crosswalk. I get lazy when there is snow in the picture.
I had crossed the tracks safely and was almost home free when my foot slipped on ice that I couldn't see. Next thing I know I was belly-flopping onto someone's Celica.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh....." I laid there for about thirty seconds before I actually moved. First I made sure that I hadn't cracked my teeth on the hood of the car. Then I made sure that no one saw. (If anyone did they weren't seeing if I was OK). Then I cried. (Not because I fell but because I got my new purse wet.)
In case you hadn't guessed yet, my acrobatics onto the car is annoyance #4. And that's all I've got. I mean once you belly-flop onto someone's car and leave an imprint in the snow of yourself there's really nothing else to say.
Thankfully I was going to therapy.