Your Girlfriend is Ugly

Shrink-age

Last night I gave my therapist, Babs,  the heave-ho.

I had been seeing her pretty on and off since November and she was OK. She wasn't awful but I never got the impression that she and I clicked. I didn't hate her we just didn't mesh well together.

I originally started seeing a therapist to deal with some of the emotional issues I had with moving back home after living on my own for such a long time. Of course through therapy other issues came out. One of the main ones was me and relationships.

For obvious reasons I'm not going to go into what exactly we talked, but a few weeks ago Babs concluded a session with, "Well did you ever think that maybe you don't want to get married? Maybe you don't want to have kids?"

"Huh..." I stared at the ceiling, "Maybe. I've never thought about not doing that."

That session kind of blew me away. I've always thought that I wanted to be married, wanted to have kids. But after Babs and I talked about it I found myself being OK with the notion of not having all of that. And being OK with it was not something I wanted to be comfortable with.

Last week I brought up stopping therapy. I'd been grappling with the idea of even going to therapy since the first day I started. Did I want to do this? Why was I doing it? Did I need it? I decided that maybe at this point in my life I wasn't ready for it. But after I told her I didn't want to come back I told her I'd think about it. 

Obviously Babs wanted to know why I didn't want to come back. And I hate answering the Whys.

"Um. I just do. I don't want to think about being single at 50."

"But you may do things that keep men away."

"That's because all the guys I date are idiots."

"But your sub-conscious may be telling you that you don't want to get married so you do things to push people away."

"Um. I went on dates pretty much every day from 2006-2007 and there was not one person I wanted to go on a second date with. I'm sorry but if a guy gets so drunk on a first date that he tries to lick me goodbye, I'm not going to pursue it."

"But what are the benefits and losses of always looking for things to pick apart?"

Argh! Again with the questions!

My therapist also has it on good authority that I like to flee; run away before getting too close. God, how cliche is that?

So last night at the beginning of our session I told her I wasn't going to continue with therapy.

Babs folded her hands, crossed her legs and told me to "tell her more about that."

"I just don't want to continue."

"Why?"

"I just don't."

Her eyes bored into mine. Whenever I'm silent in therapy I always think of the scene in Good Will Hunting where Will just stares at the clock for the full hour of their session; ticking away the seconds until the end. Robin Williams thinks its impressive. I think my therapist just gets bored.

At the end of the session she asked, "Where this left us."

"I'm not going to come back."

"Well why don't I do this. I'll hold next Tuesday tentatively open for you and you let me know if you want to come back."

I started to say OK, like my mouth was forming the words but then I snapped to attention. "Yeah you know what. Don't bother. I'm not going to be continuing therapy. With you."

Babs got quiet and pursed her lips. Then she spoke, "So that's it. You're just going to run away? Flee?"

Harsh. But true.

"Yup!"

I shook her hand and went on my way. She wished me well and that was that. We'll see. I'm not one of those people who doesn't believe in therapy. I think it's a good thing, I just don't know if I want to go there just yet.

Boxed in

Let me ask you something. Do you know anyone who has more boxes than I do? No seriously. Can you name a person who has a wall of boxes in his/her office? Someone other than a box maker?

All boxed up. Dunno what to do...

If you do let me know. I will challenge them to a box off.

Just your regular run of the mill classy commute

This morning I was tooling down 95 North on my way to the office. I was just passing Exit 11 in Norwood when I nearly rear-ended the guy in front of me because he was doing 55 in the left lane.

Not. Cool.

Naturally I had to pass him so I eased into the middle lane, only a woman in a fluorescent yellow car was keeping pace with the 55 MPH left hand lane dude.

ARGH!

I stayed in the middle lane until a gap wide enough opened up so I could slide Suzi back into the left lane and continue on my way.

As I passed the yellow car which I could now identify as a Chevrolet Monte Carlo, I noticed that the driver was giving me the finger.

I made a face at her and then said out loud, "SERIOUSLY???"

Who gives the finger on a Wednesday morning? When it's sunny? And furthermore, she was driving a car that looked like this:

If anything I should be flipping her off!

Keeping up with Lee-SAH

Saturday night during dinner, The Donna and I got into a little fight. Everything ended up being fine thanks to the Kardashians.  

"You're not letting me say what I want to say Lee-SAH. Have you seen that show Keeping up with the Kahdashians?"

"What?! Yes."  

"Well you haven't seen this episode."

"Mom yes I have it's the newest one. The season premier."

"Well I don't think you've seen it."

"The one where Khloe goes to jail??"

"Yeah."

"Yes I've seen it!"

Mind you, in the middle of an argument we are having a sub-argument about which episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians is the most recent.

"And anyway mom, when are you watching Keeping up with the Kardashians?!?"

"When I was down visiting ya brotha. They had it on TV."

.........

Donna continued. "Anyway during that episode Kim tells the two otha sistas to be nice to their motha and not be so mean to her and the motha tells the girls that she's allowed to have an opinion and have feelings."

"Are you comparing me to Khloe Kardashian?"

"No. But let me tell ya, she's a bitch that Khloe! If she were my daughta I'd knock her into next week."

I'm so glad that E! Entertainment, Ryan Seacrest and most of all the Kardashian family along with Bruce Jenner can mend fences between me and The Donna.

The Hazzards of Spanx.

Sometimes wearing a pair of Spanx can do more harm than good. Ladies holler back if you feel me on this. I mean right?!

Check out my blog on These Lips Are Made For Glossin' and read all about the dreaded Spanx line!

Click here.

It's too early for this...

I realized last night that by thinking I could get up at 4:30 to make the 6am train back to Boston was WAY too ambitious so I confirmed with my boss that it was OK to take the 8am back instead and booked a ticket.

So this morning I haul my tired ass to Penn Station and made my way on the Acela. I immediately secured a seat facing the direction of the train (I get motion sickness very easily and going backwards makes me want to curl up into a ball and hurl). Mind you, I have not had coffee yet. I am doing this new thing where I try to see if I can go the morning without coffee. Usually I can make it until about 10:30. But today I was dying.

After laying out all of my stuff across two seats so no one would try and sit with me, I made my way to the Cafe Car. The Cafe Car doesn't open until the train starts moving but I didn't care. Apparently the guy working behind the counter did because he was passed out on the counter. I'm taking head down, passed out.

"Um....he-hello...."

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzZzzzzzz

"HellooooOOO."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

"HI! HELLO!"

He lifted his head up slowly and stared at me through half-lidded eyes.

"Do you have iced coffee?"

"No. No iced coffee."

"Ok. I'll take a regulah hot coffee. No sugah." (My Boston accent goes into over drive when I'm tired.)

Rip Van Winkle then rose from his stool and leisurely secured my coffee.

"Is that it?"

I glanced over to the muffins.

"What kinda muffins ah those?"

"Blueberry."

"That's all you have? Just blueberry?" I'm not a fan of blueberry.

Rip gave me the Care Bear Stare. In fact, he was so still that I thought he'd fallen with his eyes open.

"Yes. Blueberry is the only flavor we have."

"Meh. Ok just the coffee."

After my receipt printed out (I charged $2 coffee) Rip threw it on the counter and went back to passing out.

I'm sure he enjoyed our exchange as much as I did.

Don't be mad but...

I'm over at These Lips Are Made For Glossin' today talking about Stage 1 of my blond hair transformation! Check it out and leave me some comment love.

I know I've been neglecting YGIU lately. It's not lost upon me since I get harrassed by people every day as to why I'm not blogging. I've just had a lack of clowny things happen to me lately!

Xx

Shopping spree here I come!

You know how people always say that if your palm is itchy it means you have money coming your way? Well I never understood this because my palms are itchy all the time and all that comes my way in the form of money is a ten cent Euro coin laying at the bottom of my bra drawer.

But last night I was trying to suppress an itch in my left hand when I came across a mint green pouch in my DVD basket. Inside contained about 10 gift cards given to me back in Christmas of 2007. The first thing that came to my mind was "Wow, I'm such a gracious gift recipient." The second thing was "I hope these puppies have some moola left on them!"

So this morning (at work) I called up the 1-800 numbers on the back of my cards and punched in all of the account numbers. Turns out I had $50 on a Shaw's card, $100 on a Macy's card , $7 left on an H&M card and $15 on a gas card.

This is fantastic. My shopping these days consists of the essentials: tampons, deodorant, gum. You know, the usual stuff a girl needs to get by when she's on a budget. Now I can go to Shaw's and get the expensive cereal I love and not break down on the way because my car has been running on E for the past five days.

It's almost like hitting Mega-millions.