This past weekend I spent time at our Cape house with my family relaxing, eating great food and doing some major shopping damage. My sister was home for the weekend so it was a nice opportunity to recharge our batteries.
On Saturday evening we went to our favorite restaurant in Osterville called Wimpy's. It's family owned and we've been going there for years. Plus we've become good friends with two of the waitresses Catherine and Tricia.
That particular evening we were lucky enough to have Catherine as our server. She's Irish and can take a joke. Plus she always makes sure there's a nice big healthy pour in my wine glass.
Three-quarters of the way through the meal and three rounds of drinks in, a family seated a few tables down started to sing. I spotted four children; three girls and a boy. One of the girls was of toddler looking age. She had a pacifier in her mouth and didn't look like she could pee in the bathroom yet. That's a toddler right? Anyway this supposed toddler was having a hissy fit so the family was serenading "The Wheels On The Bus" to her.
This is my worst nightmare come to life. I don't like children. They make me nervous and they are dirty and they are so chatty. Like Jesus! The sky is just blue OK?!
Right in the middle of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" Catherine came over to see how we were doing.
I gestured my head towards the singing family and said to her, "Think they'll sing us a song?"
"Well let's see about that." And off Catherine went...to the table where the singing family was seated. To ask them if they'd sing to us.
You've got to be kidding me.
I heard her say, "That nice lady right there wants to hear a song from you." Catherine was talking to the little boy who had chocolate caked on his face and her finger was aimed right at me.
Oh God.
After some hemming and hawing the mother wrangled her brood and brought them over to where we were sitting.
I was horrified.
"Ok guys. Ya ready???"
I glanced at my phone. It was 8:15. Shouldn't children be in bed by now? Not out singing to strangers?!
"The Wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round. The Wheels on the bus go round and round. All through town. The windows on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down. The windows on the bus go up and down all though towwwwwn."
Ok fine it was cute. I decided to give them a standing O "YAAAAAAAAAY! Oh how wonder-"
"The driver on the bus goes sit right down. Sit right down. Sit right down. The driver on the bus..."
"....ful...UGH!!!!"
"....goes sit right down. Aaaaaal throooooooooough tooooooooooooooooooooown."
CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP. "Great job you guys!"
"The mother on the bus shoes shhh shhh shhhh, shhh shhh shhh...."
You've. Got. To. Be. Shitting. Me. Who else is on this Gdamn bus!!!??? If there is a field trip on this bus I'm killing myself with this butter knife.
"....The mother on the bus goes shhh shh shhhh alll through tooooooooown."
I held my breath, pleading to the baby Jesus that there would be no more verses of The Wheels on the Bus. He answered my prayers. But then we had to clap and catch the air kisses given to us by the little toddler child.
If Jack Bauer ever needs to resort to extreme torture to get information out of someone I recommend The Wheels on the Bus.