Yesterday I decided to wear my new full body shaper for the first time. I got it at Wal-Mart for $13 and bought it for the sole purpose of keeping my hips in check. I could carry septuplets and not have a problem with the child bearing hips I'm sporting.
My outfit consisted of a dress, tights, my new shaper and my fierce Mark Fisher heels (alternated with flats throughout the day). The shaper did the job. It sucked in all the right places and created curves where necessary however, going to the bathroom became somewhat of a challenge.
See with a full body shaper, if you have to go to the bathroom they make it so you unhook the crotch area. It's the same idea as unhooking your bra. Ladies if you went to middle school in the 90's then you probably know what I'm talking about because didn't we all used to rock those patterned bodysuits??
Remember that. *shudder*
Anyway with my shaper I was having sort of a hard time unhooking my crotch so I could do my duties. The first time I tried I got so stressed out and sweaty I just ended up taking off my dress.
As I was putting my clothes back on I said to myself, "Ok Lisa. Next time you have to work on getting the hooks undone. You can't be getting naked in the bathroom."
I went to the bathroom about 5 times in the office and I couldn't for the life of me get the damn shaper unhooked. Each time I had to disrobe so I could pee.
It wouldn't have been a big deal, the bathroom in the office is just a one person type of deal so it's not like anyone can spy on you, it's just that we all had plans to go out later on that night so what was I going to do if I had to pee at the bar?
Well I soon found out because roughly 30 minutes into my first vodka soda I had to use the ladies room. I walked in, smiled at the attendant and then pimped all the way down to the handicapped stall so I'd have ample arm room to maneuver my dress on and off. I stealthily took my dress off, making sure to crouch down so no one would see my flailing arm movements and then hung it nicely on the hook of the door.
All was going well until I glanced over and could actually see the girl in the stall next to me through the two inch crack between the wall and the stall door.
If I could see her chilling on the toilet then she could probably see me chilling on the toilet. Naked.
"Oh Christ...." I mumbled to myself.
I finished going to the bathroom, pulled up my shaper and tights and then stood very still behind the door. I made sure that I was out of anyones sight line and waited until the girl next to me exited the premises. Then I grabbed my dress and carefully put it back on. I smiled at the attendant as she handed me a towel. Did she just wink at me?
I made my way back to my table of friends and vowed to practice unhooking my shaper so as to not risk getting caught, literally with my pants down. Or with no pants at all.