In preparation for my move to NYC this coming Monday I decided to lose my mind at Home Goods and Target this past Sunday. I was on the hunt for an area rug and a TV stand, both of which I found at Tarjay.
I had been shopping for a new TV stand for a while. It's not that I wasn't finding anything that I liked, oh I was finding plenty that I liked. But I wanted a floor model that was already put together. I loathe assembling things. However on Sunday I caved and bought a TV stand at the Target in Plainville. My carriage was already full with the aforementioned area rug and various kitchen knives so I had to be careful when placing the stand in the carriage not to break anything.
I grabbed a hold of the box and went to lift it up, not realizing how top heavy the goddamn thing was. Three seconds after lifting up the box it toppled over and cracked me over the head.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" That was me screaming from the TV stand aisle. No, no one came to help me. Miraculously I was able to steady the box and get it into the carriage without further incident.
I stood in place for a few seconds, making sure I was OK and not seeing stars and that I wasn't dizzy. I decided to see what was on sale for tank tops and made my way to clothing. That's when I got nervous.
Wait. Didn't the same thing happen to poor Natasha Richardson? She hit her head, felt fine but then died shortly after because no one bothered to take her to the ER?
I called my mother.
"Hello?"
"Mum. It's me."
"What's wrong."
"Weeeeeeeeell, a dropped a TV stand on my head and-"
"YOU WHAT????"
"Wait just listen. I dropped a TV stand on my head and how long after Natasha Richardson hit her head did she die?"
"Who?"
"Hello???" My dad decided to pick up the other phone and see what all the commotion was about.
"Lee-SAH hit her head."
"How??"
"I dropped a TV stand on my head dad. Now how soon after Natasha Richardson hit her head did she die?"
"Who???" My dad isn't up on his pop culture.
"Natasha Richardson Dad."
"You dropped a TV stand on her head too?"
"No Steve. She's the actress who was skiing and she hit her head and ended up dying from it."
"Oh....Well how the hell did you drop a TV stand on your head Lisa?!"
"I WAS TRYING TO GET IT OFF THE SHELF!"
"Well why didn't you call somebody???!!!"
At this point I was hiding behind a rack of Mossimo Maxi Dresses hissing into my phone.
"Because dad, no one was around to help!"
"LEE-SAH. This is your mother. Do you feel dizzy?"
(pause, pause) "No. But what if I have like a massive internal bleed?"
"Come home and we'll take you to the ER."
"Ugh. But I need to get this shopping done. I mean the only reason I'm nervous is because of Natasha Richardson."
"Well Natasha Richardson was on skis going like 100 down a mountain when she hit her head."
"Ok..."
"So I think ya fine."
"Are you sure."
"I mean I don't know Lee-SAH! It's your head."
"True...Ok. I'll see you in a bit for dinner."
"Ok. Call if you feel dizzy."
"Love you."
"Love ya."
This is how we solve things in my family.