Your Girlfriend is Ugly

My gerbils. A love story.

Hello readers! I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been updating YGIU nearly as much as I should be. I have been petitioning for guest bloggers and someone finally answered the call.

My 10 year old cousin Matty (10 going on 25) has decided to take the guest blogging reigns. In case you need a refresher, Matty is the cousin who talks in detail about Mr. Happy.I give you Matty aka Mateo Feinberg's first blog!

When I first got Mittens and Smoke I was really excited. They are my new pet gerbils that I got for my birthday in August. The plan was to get two males (since gerbils reproduce faster than rabbits every 21 days) but we ended up with a male and female because my friend Molly only had a male and a female left from their litter.

Needless to say, Mittens quickly became pregnant, so I researched gerbils having babies and found out that the male needs to be separated from the mother and baby so he does not harm them. This past Friday night, with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz shooting their movie in Bridgewater, MA (where I'm from) Mittens had one baby gerbil. Mother, father and baby gerbil are doing well.

Stay tuned for updates on the gerbils. What will Mittens name the baby? Will she name it after Tom or Cameron?

The proud Father, Smokey

The baby momma, Mittens debuting her post baby bod!

The Love Child.

'Chu don' know me

This morning I noticed that my friend Brennon's facebook status was: Brennon Slattery hates it when people feel the need to comment on how tired he looks.

I immediately commented saying that I completely agree. Like, did I tell you I was tired? Why do you feel the need to put your two cents in.

We went back and forth a few more times; me saying I hate when people ask if I'm sick when I'm perfectly healthy and him when people ask him if he's gay.

Later I was walking to work from the Subway. I had my iPod on and was jamming along to the playlist entitled "Lisa is FUN." I swiped my card allowing me access into the building and then made a break for the elevators. People are notorious for not holding the elevator doors for you in this office and this morning was no different. Just as I was coming up to the doors they started to close so I put my arm in (not the smartest idea..?!) and hopped aboard. There was only one other woman in the vator with me. She was dressed like a tourist (she had a windbreaker tied around her waist....like might as well paint a target on your forehead). I still had my iPod on so I didn't notice that she was talking to me.

"Huh?" I said holding my left iPod ear bud in my hand.

"I said, already having a bad day?"

"Um...no..."

"Oh..."

I felt like shouting at her, "But I fucking am now!!!"

Who says that?! You don't know me! What if I was having a bad day. What if a coyote stole my (stuffed) dog. Or what if I had a wardrobe malfunction?

And furthermore, it was before 9 FUCKING AM!!!! I hadn't even ingested a cup of coffee. I don't speak to people I know that early.

The bitch of it is, is that I was in a perfectly jovial mood before I held the elevator for myself.