Your Girlfriend is Ugly

Friday email chats with The Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: Lisa GRADIE
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 2:44 PM
To: Donna Gradie
Subject: RE: Hi

Hi Mummy,

How is your day going??

XX

From: Donna Gradie
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 2:57 PM
To: Lisa GRADIE
Subject: RE: Hi

Hi Honey,

My day is going good - how is your day going?? What time are you leaving??

XXox

Love you

Mommy

From: Lisa GRADIE
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:18 PM
To: Donna Gradie
Subject: RE: Hi

Hi Mummy,

Leaving around 7:30/8

xoxo

From: Donna Gradie
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:30 PM
To: Lisa GRADIE
Subject: RE: Hi

Ok

Love you -- drive slowwwwwww ...

From: Lisa GRADIE
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:34 PM
To: Donna Gradie
Subject: RE: Hi

I'm driving out of the Lincoln Tunnel but Shana is driving most of the way. I got pulled over this morning with Baptiste in the car.

From:Donna Gradie
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:41 PM
To: Lisa GRADIE
Subject: RE: Hi

Did you get a ticket??

From: Lisa GRADIE
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:47 PM
To: Donna Gradie
Subject: RE: Hi

For $50. Because I was wearing a low cut top and basically shoved the girls in his face

From: Donna Gradie
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:50 PM
To: Lisa GRADIE
Subject: RE: Hi

LISA!!!!!!

From: Lisa GRADIE
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:51 PM
To: Donna Gradie
Subject: RE: Hi

It worked! The ticket should've been $400!

From: Donna Gradie
Sent: Friday, April 23, 2010 3:55 PM
To: Lisa GRADIE
Subject: RE: Hi

OK --

(Your) crack is whack!

So I'm pimping around on CocoPerez (the more fashion oriented sister of PerezHilton.com) when I come across an entry entitled "Introducing The Crack Shield!" and accompanied with the headline is this picture:

Two girls modeling the Crack Shield!

Holy LOLz Ballz!!!

I find this funny for a few reasons:

1.) Jeans these days are made to just zip right above a woman's clitoris so any sideways motion is going to not leave anything to the imagination.

2.) Your jeans/pants are so low that you actually need a shield to cover your crack? How about buying jeans that are a respectable fit in the first place? 

3.) What kind of designs are the Crack Shields going to come in? Like can I get one with my face on it? Or a Crack Shield that has the Red Sox logo? OH! What about a crack shield that has inspirational quotes like, "Everything happens for a reason" or "When one door closes another one opens." Or when one crack opens another on....

*Images supplied by CocoPerez

Untitled Blog

This morning was not my finest showing at work. I was out late last night (or early this morning depending on how you want to look at it) and since I had to pick up a co-worker and drive her to work I had to forgo any makeup in order to be on time.

So when I rolled into the office, I hopped on a conference call and quickly applied some mascara and cover-up. My hair, surprisingly looked good. Or so I thought until I went into my co-worker's office to ask her if she wanted to order lunch.

She was there working with another employee who took one look at me and said, "You look like you just rolled out of bed."

Let me tell you something, I can say with all the confidence in the world that I most certainly did not look like I just rolled out of bed. I was wearing leggings, silver Tory Burch's, a blue dress and a cute cardi. I've looked worse, I can assure you.

"Oh really?" I replied touching my freshly mascaraed and glossed face.

"Yeah you look like you just came in here from bed."

"Um...."

I took my freshly washed hair out of it's pony tail and started to play with it. "Ugh," I commented, "I used this new mixture of product in my hair and it made the texture feel weird."

"Your hair feels weird?"

"Yeah."

"Well it looks weird too."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah your hair. It looks weird."

Now there are a number of retorts I could come up with (mainly that I was being judged by someone swathed in a poncho) but I won't because I'm nice and confident enough with myself that I don't need to stoop to her level to make myself feel better.

But like, keep the insults to a minimum before 10am ok lady?