Your Girlfriend is Ugly

It can't come sooner.

In T-minus 5 hours and 43 minutes it will officially be 5 o'clock p.m. and I will officially be on vacation. (Don't worry. I'll have internet access. I will be blogging. :)

It can't come sooner. I'm at the point right now with my job that I would rather eat beets and be seen wearing tapered jeans than come into work.

I haven't had a vacation since March of 2006. Oh sure I've had days off here and there. I've taken long weekends and two days off in a row but nothing extended. I can't wait to be on vacation. Sweet relief

And isn't it so funny that right before you're about to go on vacation something shit stormy always happens to put you, in like, the WORST mood. I work with a lot of people who are under the impression that they are better than everyone else. They believe that their prep-school, Upper East Side upbringing allows them to 1.) talk shit about everyone and 2.) treat you as if you were the dirt on the gum that is stuck to their last season Gucci pumps.

And of course it's got to be someone that I just really can't stand. Plus I'm not very good at hiding my dislike for people to begin with. Frankly, everyone to me is an ass until proven otherwise. (It really is the only way to roll....trust me.) 

Anyway. It just blew my mind and I had to vent. Naturally this person would start crap with me the day of my vacation. It never fails.

I will close with my inner chant:

This time tomorrow you'll be at the beach. This time tomorrow you'll be at the beach. This time tomorrow you'll be at the beach. This time tomorrow you'll be at the beach....

Say hello.

I would like you all to meet my new iPod.

Cornelius Barnaby The Nimble. (Yeah. That's right. I name inanimate objects. *Holla back if you know The Rollerskate!*)

(Um...sidebar: scope the freckles on my arm?! I look like a Leopard....grooooowwwl...)

Anyway, I went to get him on Saturday when I was tooling around South Shore Plaza in Braintree. Tallulah had pissed me off for the last time when, on Friday morning, after having a full charge, she started whiiiiiiiiiiiring like a haphazardly put together traveling circus ride. Then she froze and stayed that way the entire day. Trust me, if you all knew what I had to listen to at my work on Friday, you would have sold out Tallulah on a dime.

So I walked into the Apple Store on Saturday and was all set to get a new iPod. Except I forgot Tallulah at home (grrr). Normally, I would just say screw it and get the new iPod right then and there. But when you bring back your old one for a new one, they give you 10% off. And I am certainly not someone to scoff at 10% so I decided to wait until Sunday. (And people say I have no patience!)

I arrived at the Apple Store yesterday (Earth Day) and I gotta say, the guys who work at the Apple Store are right up my alley! All inked up. Quasi-nerdy looking. Smart. Shy smiley types. Scrumpsh

Who approaches me and asks if I need help? The only woman in the store.

Come oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!!!!

Meh. Whatever. She was nice enough. So I enrolled in the Apple iPod recycling program (how appropriate being Earth Day and all!) where I guess they take the battery and, and well they recycle it.

I'm pumped about Cornelius. He's a video one. Now I just have to not be tempted to watch TV shows at work when I should be doing spread sheets. Or blogging.

300 rocked my toe socks off.

So I went to see 300 with Slut on Friday. Opening night. I know, we're brave.

Um. This movie kicked some serious ass. I loved it. I loved it so much and I cannot remember a time when I was more excited to see a film. And I honestly can't say why. Maybe it's my closeted love of history. Maybe it was the fact that Gerard Butler's abs made me tingly. Who knows. But it was a seriously sick movie. And by sick I mean bad ass.

I recommend it to everyone. I mean you all know what it's about right? The 300 Spartans who held off the massive Persian army....? Historians say that back in that day (490 B.C. to be exact) those 300 Spartans would be equivalent to a Delta Force team now. (So think 300 Jack Bauers). I say Rodrigo Santoro as a 7-foot tall "maybe gay God King" is fiercely hot.

And how did they get his eye liner so perfect? Can I get the makeup person's number please?

Rodrigo Santoro. For all of you who can't place him right away or are thinking "Oh yes! The dude from Lost." No. He is Ben from Love Actually. Remember Ben, ladies? He's the guy who Laura Linney's character is insanely in love with. Yeah remember that scene with his shirt off and in those tight boxer briefs? Yuuummmmmers.

You just have to see 300. It's not like it's even gory. I mean it is gory but not in that Natural Born Killers type of way. The entire movie was filmed in front of a green screen and it has that kind of cartooney feel to it. So when they decapitate someone's head it's not gross. It's actually kind of pretty. And I just can't stress enough how hot the men are. I'm sorry gentlemen but I just have to say, Gerard Butler's quads? Speechless. Breathtaking. Do me.

As far as the historical relevance of the movie. Well that I can't really say. Firstly because, as much as I enjoy wearing a toga as the next girl, I wasn't there. And secondly because I'm pretty sure I saw a goat exuding human like qualities while smoking a hookah.

So go buy tickets and see it already!!! Enjoy :)

Christmas came a little early this year.

There is no way to beat around the bush with this one:

TOM BRADY IS SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem*

I just read on Bricks and Stones that Tom Brady and sometimes actress, Wet Blanket Bridget Moynahan ended their three year relationship.

*single tear....but a tear of joy!

I'm not going to go into the details. You can read B&S for that. I just want to revel in the fact that my husband is single again and that we should start a TBIS (Tom Brady Is Single) Fan Club.

So who wants in? There will be no fees to be paid, no crazy ritualistic hazing to be found. You just have to think Tom Brady is super hot and know at least how many points a field goal scores and you're an automatic member!

Seriously. Do me.

Turkey Day: The harbinger to vendor presents...

Usually when Bella, the mail lady here at The Spoil, comes around to deliver me my packages I get all in a huff. Don't get me wrong, I like Bella. She's like the universal grandmother to everyone here at The Spoil, but when she shows up at my desk all Russian and stuff it means that I have to drop everything, look at the 349753497593457 packages she has for me, make sure the numbers match and then sign my serial killer signature to her list.

It's all kiiiind of a process. And besides, the packages are chock-full of tubes with orifices, or color matches, or ugly square packaging. So nothing really worth my while.

But all that changes after Turkey Day.

Oh yes my friends, due to my charming nature and just all around fabulousness I get the most kick ass gifts from my vendors for the holidays. (And you all know how I looooove presents!!!)

Come Monday the 27th, I'll start getting an influx of chocolaty covered cookies with exotic nuts, and rum filled treats that, while intoxicating, help me get through the work day. Last year one of my really good contacts sent me a gigantic bottle of Grey Goose vodka that was as big as my head.

"Treat others as you want to be treated," my mother always said and it has proven true. From this time until the beginning of January I'll be showered with all sorts of presents. Richart chocolates! Pretty calendars! (I have four different ones hanging on my walls at work), Italian lemon bunt cakey things! Round expensive tins full of Christmas cookies! One vendor even sends out a huge box full of the fixings to wrap gifts with: tape, paper, bows...the works! I mean it definitely is a perk, albeit a perk only lasting 6 weeks. But still! Its fun and it takes my mind off of the 2957394573947539457 pieces of late artwork that needed to be released 4 weeks ago.

I'll keep you posted on my present status. If you think my desk is a mess now wait until the middle of December.

Do other people at The Spoil get the same kind of treatment? Sure. But they don't have a blog site.

And not to worry. I'm very good at sharing my treats (erm..), so if you happen to be in the know and/or run with my crowd you'll be rewarded handsomely.

But the vodka, I'm keeping that for myself.

Holding myself back like whoah.

So working for The Spoil has its advantages. One of them is the bi-annual Marc Jacobs employee sale we get to take part in. Since The Spoil and MJ are owned by the same luxury goods brand we get to dip into their sand box.

For a hardcore, almost not normal shopper like myself, this is fabU news.

News of the employee sale started to circulate a couple of weeks ago and naturally everyone here at work was in an uber tizzy. I mean...purses for 75% off?? Like The Donna always says, "It's such a shaaaame to leave them there!" Words to live by. (I mean guys come on. My mom shopped so much when we were kids that I knew the names of the malls before I could walk.)

So as I'm tooling around the veeeeeeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooooooooow site yesterday, sweating and shaking from excitement, I see the purse I want:

(Cue angel music "aaaaaaAAAAaaah..." )

The Blake in Kelly Green.

I mean..."Hello loverrrrr..."

It's gorgeous. But alas...my heart belongs to another lover: The Large Gucci Horsebit bag in magenta.

So I was thinking of waiting until the last day of the sale and if I don't have a lead on the Gucci bag then I'll purchase the Blake if the color I want is still in stock.

There must be a string of full moons because I've been showing an awful lot of self restraint these days.........Not at all part of my character and I'm not entirely sure why it's happening.

What's next? I turn into a morning person and start getting up at 6am?

Ok fine...I didn't show THAT much self restraint..I did get the zip clutch in Canary. It's just too ja'dorable to leave there!!! But that's it!

It's starting.

I'm a simple girl. It doesn't take much to make me happy *cough* Marc Jacobs Employee Sale *cough*. So when Starbucks busts out their red cups for the holidays it puts a gigantic smile on my face.

Hooray!

Let me back up. Steiner and I pulled up to The Bucks in the new Hancock building and I went in with every intention of getting a grande iced coffee unsweetened. But as I was perusing the menu I saw that they had the peppermint mocha latte available.

(!!!)

GAH! One of my favs. The PML is a limited edition drink and only here for the holidays. Sure you can get a PML after the season is over but it's not the same! Don't let anyone tell you differently! You don't get the same Christmasy happiness and you definitely do not get the red sugar sprinkles that they put on top of the foam.

So let's just say that when I saw it written on the chalk board I kind of giggled like a little school girl and clapped my hands together in sheer bliss. The woman behind the counter who was very nice, but didn't speak very much English just kind of looked at me like I was crazy. I immediately ordered a grande non-fat no whip PLM.

Then I shifted my gaze to the left and saw that the red cups were out! That's when it finally dawned on me...

IT'S CHRISTMAS AT STARBUCKS!!!!

A happy time indeed.

I can't really pin point an exact moment when I started to get all hot and bothered for the red Starbucks holiday cups. But I know that my first memory was when I was going to school at Emerson. I would take the train in, grab a coffee at the Bucks in Back Bay and walk down Dartmouth along Newbury Street and through the Garden to Emerson. It was so pretty with all of the lights and I mean it's Christmas! People are generally in a good mood during this time of year. And besides....Christmas means presents! WHO DOESN'T LOVE PRESENTS!!!!

YAY! Happy!! :)

Mmm....purple tomaters.

Well I couldn't be less of a tomato fan. I know, bizarre isn't it? I'm Italian, I like ketchup and sauce and tomato-Y flavored things. But the actual tomato is just so hein to me.

What did I read on my favorite news source this afternoon????? CNN.com reported that researchers are making a purpley tomato that is apparently super rich in antioxidants.

I mean we got a little jungle fever going on with the blue and the red but...mmmmmmmmmmmmmm don't they look just de-LISH!!???

Says the article:

"The novel pigment contains the same phytochemical found in blueberries that is thought to reduce the risk of cancer and heart disease. Six years in the making, the purple hybrid could hit salad plates in two years."

This is where my tax dollars are going?

Now, don't get me wrong. I would never bemoan cancer research, but, umm, why not take those six years that were spent making a purple tomato and actually research curing cancer itself??? I mean blueberries already have all that antioxidant stuff in it. Researchers could have just spent the six years coming up with salad recipes that take blueberries instead of going through the hassle of morphing a tomato into something that it possibly wasn't ready to become. Who are we to decide that the tomato is ready to shed it's red identity and carry the responsibility of reducing the risk of cancer and heart disease?

Awfully presumptuous of us.

Click here for the full article.

*GAH!* Best news EV-ER!!!

I have just learned from the only news source that I pay attention to (CNN.com) that they are making Fraggle Rock into a movie!!

OMGeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! I used to love this show as a kid!!! Remember the little green dudes who did the like construction??? Or how the fraggles would eat that weird plastic (or was it glass) that looked like stalagmites???

I'm simply bubbling with Fraggle joy!!! Hooray!

According to the article, the show, which was popular in the 80's, is being developed by Ahmet Zappa into a full-length live-action musical fantasy starring the classic characters.

The premise of the movie: "Gobo, Wembley, Mokey, Boober and Red will travel from beneath the Rock and venture into the human world for the first time."

GENIUS!!!

I can't wait!

Click here for the full article.

A little help from some friends.

I like to help out my friends wherever possible.

So when I found out that my friend Jess was going to be a premier seller for Spice it up Sex Toys, I knew I had to give her a shout out.

Now don't shy away from this blog. I know the topic may be a little *tabooo* and it's not like you have to comment saying "YAY! I want a dildo!!!" But...in the event that you need a pink vibrator, or a flesh colored ball spreader for your boyfriend/husband/significant other, then holler at Jess.

You can even throw your own sex toy parties! And from what I hear you get a bag of goodies all to yourself and I also heard something about a "silver bullet" being part of the goody bag....?

Anyway it's worth a shot. Happy vibrator hunting!